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I realized why I like friendships with lesbians (lemmy.world)

submitted 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) by whaleross@lemmy.world to c/general@lemmy.world

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I'm a middle aged heterosexual man and I've been in various circles in my life where I've had lesbian friends and acquaintances. I was just thinking how much I've appreciated those interactions and how I currently miss having lesbians around me. Not because we stopped being friends, mind you, but due to my dynamic life and me being shit at staying in touch I've floated away from people that I appreciate.

Anyway, then I started thinking why is that? Am I fetishizing lesbians, craving what I can't get etc? I like women who are confident so is it a sexual or psychosexual thing? It made me a bit worried because that does not sound very nice, Freud and mothers and all that jazz... But then I realized that this is not why.

It's because they don't act and treat me like a man, like a male person, like a sexuality - but that for them I'm 100% a person. If I'm entertaining or funny or interesting, it's because I am entertaining or funny or interesting. No interference from deep rooted primate reproductive brain behaviour, and at the rare occasion it's popped up, it's something we can play off and dismiss.

Even though I have and always had women friends, it's a different thing. Regardless our relationship, I'm always a man. It's inescapable. My friendships with lesbians have always had this special vibe. It's like what I'd imagine a good sibling be like, but I wouldn't know because I'm a lone child.

Yeah, I miss that vibe.

Edit: thanks autocorrect

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[–] whaleross@lemmy.world 2 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

It gets in the way by you having great times with your bestie, joking around, being open and chill. Then something, maybe one of you, maybe something external, triggers the old lizard brain. "Hey", your brain goes. "You know, this is great. They are great. This would be a great person for reproduction and this a great time for the horizontal fandango!". But this is your bestie, this is not why you're here. Your conscious brain does not want to do the sexy sex with them but your primal urges do. You're in a state of conflict in your brain, trying to rid yourself from one of those essential parts of your very being. What is worse, they have either triggered on the same thing or picked up something subconsciously and they are in the same state. Instead of being all relaxed and fun and open, you are both self conscious and stiff and trying to play it off. And you hate every second of it.