this post was submitted on 30 Nov 2023
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I realized why I like friendships with lesbians (lemmy.world)
submitted 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) by whaleross@lemmy.world to c/general@lemmy.world
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I'm a middle aged heterosexual man and I've been in various circles in my life where I've had lesbian friends and acquaintances. I was just thinking how much I've appreciated those interactions and how I currently miss having lesbians around me. Not because we stopped being friends, mind you, but due to my dynamic life and me being shit at staying in touch I've floated away from people that I appreciate.

Anyway, then I started thinking why is that? Am I fetishizing lesbians, craving what I can't get etc? I like women who are confident so is it a sexual or psychosexual thing? It made me a bit worried because that does not sound very nice, Freud and mothers and all that jazz... But then I realized that this is not why.

It's because they don't act and treat me like a man, like a male person, like a sexuality - but that for them I'm 100% a person. If I'm entertaining or funny or interesting, it's because I am entertaining or funny or interesting. No interference from deep rooted primate reproductive brain behaviour, and at the rare occasion it's popped up, it's something we can play off and dismiss.

Even though I have and always had women friends, it's a different thing. Regardless our relationship, I'm always a man. It's inescapable. My friendships with lesbians have always had this special vibe. It's like what I'd imagine a good sibling be like, but I wouldn't know because I'm a lone child.

Yeah, I miss that vibe.

Edit: thanks autocorrect

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[–] SlimeKnight@lemm.ee 4 points 11 months ago

Imagine you could only have one friend for the rest of your life. If you don't find one then you will be left alone.

For many, that's a important decision, so they are always attentive to potential friend candidates. You don't want to humiliate yourself in front of them, so you shy away. You want to show them that you are good friend candidates, you try to show off. Someone else is a good friend candidates, you feel insecure. Someone gets angry at you because you were apparently showing off without realising it and feel threatened.

Its a competition that your body compels you to participated, and it gets exhausting at time.

Now add "and make babies", remove being able to verbalize this, and you got sexual desire.

It should be noted do, intensity varies from person to person. Those that have it set too high cause problems to themselves and others.