this post was submitted on 30 Nov 2023
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I realized why I like friendships with lesbians (lemmy.world)
submitted 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) by whaleross@lemmy.world to c/general@lemmy.world
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I'm a middle aged heterosexual man and I've been in various circles in my life where I've had lesbian friends and acquaintances. I was just thinking how much I've appreciated those interactions and how I currently miss having lesbians around me. Not because we stopped being friends, mind you, but due to my dynamic life and me being shit at staying in touch I've floated away from people that I appreciate.

Anyway, then I started thinking why is that? Am I fetishizing lesbians, craving what I can't get etc? I like women who are confident so is it a sexual or psychosexual thing? It made me a bit worried because that does not sound very nice, Freud and mothers and all that jazz... But then I realized that this is not why.

It's because they don't act and treat me like a man, like a male person, like a sexuality - but that for them I'm 100% a person. If I'm entertaining or funny or interesting, it's because I am entertaining or funny or interesting. No interference from deep rooted primate reproductive brain behaviour, and at the rare occasion it's popped up, it's something we can play off and dismiss.

Even though I have and always had women friends, it's a different thing. Regardless our relationship, I'm always a man. It's inescapable. My friendships with lesbians have always had this special vibe. It's like what I'd imagine a good sibling be like, but I wouldn't know because I'm a lone child.

Yeah, I miss that vibe.

Edit: thanks autocorrect

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[–] MataVatnik@lemmy.world 25 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Ha! I have a similar feeling. I thought I was the only one. I feel like lesbians understand part of the male experience better than straight women so it's easier to relate with them, there is less stereotyping or judging for me being a man or that awkward male/female dynamic.

[–] whaleross@lemmy.world 8 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Of course it comes down to the individuals but those are my treasured personal recollections with the lesbian women I've been closer friends with. A special open and relaxed vibe that different from the special vibes I have with other friends. Even with my best female friends that we'd never smash our genitals together, regardless we have in the past or not, the sexual part in the back of the brain is always there even when the frontal lobe says nope. We don't just don't have the same mutual chill.