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I realized why I like friendships with lesbians (lemmy.world)

submitted 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) by whaleross@lemmy.world to c/general@lemmy.world

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I'm a middle aged heterosexual man and I've been in various circles in my life where I've had lesbian friends and acquaintances. I was just thinking how much I've appreciated those interactions and how I currently miss having lesbians around me. Not because we stopped being friends, mind you, but due to my dynamic life and me being shit at staying in touch I've floated away from people that I appreciate.

Anyway, then I started thinking why is that? Am I fetishizing lesbians, craving what I can't get etc? I like women who are confident so is it a sexual or psychosexual thing? It made me a bit worried because that does not sound very nice, Freud and mothers and all that jazz... But then I realized that this is not why.

It's because they don't act and treat me like a man, like a male person, like a sexuality - but that for them I'm 100% a person. If I'm entertaining or funny or interesting, it's because I am entertaining or funny or interesting. No interference from deep rooted primate reproductive brain behaviour, and at the rare occasion it's popped up, it's something we can play off and dismiss.

Even though I have and always had women friends, it's a different thing. Regardless our relationship, I'm always a man. It's inescapable. My friendships with lesbians have always had this special vibe. It's like what I'd imagine a good sibling be like, but I wouldn't know because I'm a lone child.

Yeah, I miss that vibe.

Edit: thanks autocorrect

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[–] fleabs@lemmy.world 35 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Thank you for putting this into words. I have come to realise the same thing over the years but have never been able to properly verbalise it!

I'm a heterosexual male. My sister is a lesbian, and through her, I was introduced to many lesbian (and gay) friends from a young age. And since then, I've often had lesbisn friends or acquaintances, and I've always found that I get on so much better with lesbians than straight women.

I feel with most lesbian women that I'm in the company of another man. It's so much easier to talk to them, without the background hum of sexuality that seems to come from interactions with straight women. I'm not blaming women for this, btw. I think it's just a male brain thing for me, but there is certainly some extra element when interacting with straight women that is absent around lesbians and that absence allows me to relax more and just be myself.

[–] whaleross@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago

I think all people are affected by their sexuality, regardless how proper and civilized we are. It's that mammalian thingymajingy we just can't escape, none of us. From what I've read even asexuals are at times struggling with their libido pulling strings from the back of their brain.