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Ah. There is no punishment built in here, unless you consider removing attention to be punishment. It's positive reinforcement when they do something right, the happy words and pets. Ignoring them sometimes to convince them you are ok and so are they, not reassuring them. Odd, sure, but not at all mean. They don't seem ruined, I probably just am not explaining it right. Certainly not kicking them, what the heck?
Lead pops are a punishment.
As is not cuddling them.