Asklemmy

43791 readers

1547 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy 🔍

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

Open-ended question
Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

Lemmyverse: community search
sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
!lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 5 years ago

MODERATORS

164

Advice on helping a loved one through alcoholism? (lemm.ee)

submitted 1 year ago by Flickerby@lemm.ee to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

75 comments fedilink hide all child comments

My fiance has been struggling a lot lately with this and it's taking a toll on me. I'm doing all I can and all I know how to do but it's getting really hard and exhausting to deal with the constant cycle of abuse and then apology and then abuse and then apology over and over and over again for months. Usually day by day. I have convinced her to go to a counselor for help and she has an appointment set and seemed willing but she has kept up the cycle of drinking and I'm afraid she'll just ignore it or pretend to go. If anyone has experience helping a loved one through overcome this I would appreciate the help. She is an absolutely wonderful person when she is sober and I love her with all my heart but I'm not sure what else I can do and I don't want the rest of my life to consist of this.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] Flickerby@lemm.ee 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That was my move tonight yeah. I'm just looking for help on what to do moving forward. I had issues with alcohol myself when I was in my early 20s so I can empathize with what she's going through, and I got through it, so she can too

[–] Bahalex@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

My dad chose the booze in this scenario. From tenured university professor with a family to dying alone, homeless, on the other side of the country.

It may work, it may not. You are not (hopefully) the only one who wants to help her. Find the help, don’t take on the burden alone.

Don’t make a threat you are not ready to follow up on. If you go back on your word, then she can too.

[–] Flickerby@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Unfortunately she doesn't really have any support besides me. At least, none that she trusts herself. I'm trying to encourage her to make friends and branch out a bit but she's very anxious and shy which, I get, I am too. And yeah I've been really bad about saying "no more drinking" and then letting her convince me with "oh baby it's just ONE I PROMISE it'll be fine tonight" and it never is. But I put my foot down last night and I do intend to stick by it this time because I've tried a gentle caring lax attitude and that didn't work so this is it now I guess.

[–] Bahalex@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Then it’s a journey you are both on. There is no victory, only constant vigilance. Stop being in the position where ‘only one’ is even an option.

I say this having seen my sister go through this too- fortunately more successfully than my dad.

Good luck man, find help. If not for her, then for you- it’s won’t be easy going alone.

[–] Flickerby@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago

Thankfully I have a fairly large support network of family and friends I can rely on. I'll be okay no matter what happens. I just want her to be okay too