Selfhosted
A place to share alternatives to popular online services that can be self-hosted without giving up privacy or locking you into a service you don't control.
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I'm not sure self-hosted is what you need, perhaps just a FOSS app for your two phones?
Alternatively Home Assistant should be able to push alarms to your phones.
This is the docs you need https://companion.home-assistant.io/docs/notifications/critical-notifications/
I might have to have a look into that, could be a great way to get the wife to do things
Hey, this is definitely getting really close. However, I think for this to work our phones would need to be connected to my Wireguard all the time, right?
If you don't expose to the internet at large, yes you would need a VPN.
Home Assistant is an interesting idea. I only learned about it recently but I know it's hella dense and I feel like figuring out how to get it to do this one thing might be a huge task. I'll keep it in mind though if nothing else pops up.