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I know you don't want to hear it, but if you want a phone that's (relatively) privacy respecting, reliable as hell, well constructed so it won't break after just a couple of years, and supported for a long time... you just described an iPhone. You could be the 2022 SE today for $400ish and use it for 3+ years before you have to do anything to it, and even then you'd just have to pay $69 or so for a battery swap. You could also buy a 13 Mini or a 12 Pro for close to the same price and get an OLED screen and a better camera.
The Pixel series is probably your best bet in terms of specs and theoretical support. But I would be very surprised if you were able to use a Pixel for 3+ years without developing a hardware issue. Maybe you'll be lucky, but I wouldn't bet on it, personally. My partner's 4a isn't even 3 years old yet and it's clear that Google does not backtest any of their software updates on older hardware either. Hopefully that changes going forward, but Google has a pretty shit record with long-term support. They've promised to make replacement parts available for the 8 year lifespace of the 8 series phones, but the phones are glued together and hard to repair, so unless you're hardcore about DIY, it's unlikely that you'll bother with it. Instead you'll likely end up going to a repair shop, which you could also do with older Pixels today. And both Pixels and their replacement parts are iPhone-level expensive unless you're playing the carrier incentive game.
I'm not sure why others are shitting on the Fairphone's hardware. I think it's incredibly dumb that they killed the aux jack, and the phone is way too big for my liking... but it's literally built to be easy to repair. And Fairphone has a proven track record of support for their phones. It isn't perfect, but I'm much more likely to believe that you'd use a Fairphone for 5+ years than a Pixel. If you're concerned about part availability down the road, just buy a couple of spare batteries, a spare screen, a spare camera module, and a spare USB-C port today.
What's not working right on it? My 4a runs all the apps for my IoT crap and home automation and its had zero issues. That said, you know theyre being EOL'd next month, so from that point on, who knows. Probably have to go custom ROM on it once the security patches stop.
I'll probably switch it to GrapheneOS after next month because I think it's a software issue, not a hardware problem. But my partner can't use Android Auto even though our car supports it, her phone crashes and becomes unresponsive randomly, and apps frequently drop out of memory when you aren't heavily multitasking. The phone is perfectly capable of running a browser, music player, and maybe the camera all at once, so it's frustrating to see this nonsense play out.
The phone is only two years old and runs stock Android. Around 60-70% storage usage on average. No clue what's causing so many problems, but I've heard other 4a users say similar things lately.
Thank you for the long answer. I am somewhat torn between Fairphone and Pixel.
I don't think I will ever own iPhone - in short I do not like Apple and the whole walled garden thing, though I do agree these are best devices for long-term use especially when it comes to security updates. I am also aware Google is not much better and if I get a Pixel I am definitely flashing it with Lineage.
I'd go with the Fairphone if I were you, as long as you actually care about having the phone long term. I know the Pixel is very shiny and very nice, but Google really does have an awful history of QA. Fairphone isn't perfect either, but being able to repair things yourself is a huge benefit. Sure the CPU and camera and screen aren't as nice, but they're probably nicer than what you've currently got, and definitely nice enough unless you're a tech reviewer who's constantly looking at the new shinies.
Plus, y'know, it is kind of cool that Fairphone tries to produce their phones without any slavery or labor abuses, and at least makes real attempts at sustainability. When you get burned by Google, you just feel shame because you knew they were going to screw you one way or another. If you get burned by Fairphone, at least you tried to do something better in the world.