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Okay, so my partner is just recently divorced from his years-estranged wife. He does not know if he wants to get married again, but I do. In loving him and being loved by him I found the reason people would want to tie their lives so fully with another's. You are theirs and they are yours.
This bothered me for a long time, and I promise I'm coming to something (that I think might be) relevant to your situation.
I read a book.. where the crawdads sing? I'm pretty sure. Anyhow a line in the book rang true with me, "we are married like wolves and geese are married" and I love that so much.
So, while you cannot marry her in a legal sense, you can be romantic as fuck.
Also! Just thought of this while typing. Do a commitment ceremony, nothing legal obviously but maybe do a cool cultural marriage ceremony like jumping over a broom around a fire or any of the myriad other marriage ceremonies other cultures use.
Anyhow I'm sorry she's having a hard time and I wish you and yours (and theirs (= ) all the very best. I can imagine a poly relationship could be difficult at times but it sounds like you're doing all the right things.
Stay awesome!