Thanks :). Bipolar, psychosis, and loneliness is bad lately, and my family gave me cptsd and im afraid i'll always be stuck with them. I've never been genuinely loved by someone and im afraid that will never happen. And a bunch of bad things keep happening and every time i gain hope i lose it. Im just sad and scared lately. I don't have any options to end my life at the moment so im pretty fucked. If i had a good friend or partner and seperated from my family i think i would be happy enough to try to continue living but i dont think that will ever happen. /vent You don't have to give advice or anything, thanks for listening :)

[–] violetraven@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Trans mom here also dealing with BPD. It's ok to be sad. Things can feel hard, but trust me, they can and will get better.

[–] 666@lib.lgbt 6 points 1 year ago

Thanks, and im glad you were able to make it that far in life, it makes me hopeful. But i don't know if i can wait for it to get better. Im either living in agony, melancholy or despair and i feel tired and delirious. It definitely doesn't help that most of the people around me are making it worse. And bipolar and cptsd make me do irrational things and are causng me to be hopeless, i can't even trust myself. I feel like i desperately need someone or something to help or i will die. idk maybe im overthinking this.

[–] whodatdair@lemm.ee 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Aw I sorry gurl, that’s fuckin rough.

Remember that there are tons of people who have survived terrible things and gone on to live happy lives. Humans are more resilient than we give ourselves credit for, I think. I don’t know you but I bet you’ve made it through some shit and survived, and nobody is ever beyond healing. ❤️‍🩹

Don’t give up, you always have a chance at happiness if you can work your way through the darkness. Please don’t end your life, one of the best things I ever did was decide not to go through with it - I’d have missed out on the happiest parts of my life so far if I had let myself give in.

Also, for the record nobody is stuck with anybody for ever. I have a friend who went no contact with his family and he’s fine.

[–] 666@lib.lgbt 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Thanks for the advice, feeling a bit more hopeful now. In hindsight i shouldn't be making huge life decisions like suicide when im manic, sleep deprived, and psychotic but the urge feels so strong and the pain is too much. Idk, i guess having someone who loves me and won't leave me for being mentally ill or trans isn't as unnatainable of a goal as i think it is (hopefully).

[–] whodatdair@lemm.ee 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yeah I can understand that - sometimes the lows can feel super low, but they wouldn’t feel so low if there weren’t highs to compare them to. 😉

I know I’m giving a lot of unsolicited advice here, sorry! I have one more piece though - imho don’t focus on the actual act of finding a partner so hard. I think what has worked best for me was being open to relationships while working on myself. Fuckloads of therapy and putting effort into figuring out and dealing with all the twisted bullshit inside my own subconscious really made being in and keeping relationships less difficult. Finding a therapist you jive with is a godsend for that, and very worth the effort.

Also. For the record, it’s not abnormal to go through a bunch of relationships before you find the right person. Don’t feel alone in that, you aren’t.

You sound like a strong person, I think you have more of a chance than you give yourself credit for. Joo kan do eet! 😁

[–] 666@lib.lgbt 4 points 1 year ago

Thanks mate, also i do actually appreciate the advice. And of course i plan on just meeting people who i relate to and then progressing from friendhsip. Im gonna see a psychiatrist soon for ocd so that should help.

[–] Franzia@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Omg Ashley my family sucks and I'm stuck here too :3
It's a really weird despair that I'm not living my life for me because I need to transition and take care of my interests and desires, but also it feels like the right thing to do, living here.

[–] H3wastooshort@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

If it keeps you from living a happy life, it's never "the right thing to do" to stay with someone, be that your "family", bad "friends" or whoverer else. If you can find a way out of that mess and into a better place, take it.

[–] Franzia@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 year ago

Thanks. I'll see what I can do 🤷‍♀️