Men's Liberation
This community is first and foremost a feminist community for men and masc people, but it is also a place to talk about men’s issues with a particular focus on intersectionality.
Rules
Everybody is welcome, but this is primarily a space for men and masc people
Non-masculine perspectives are incredibly important in making sure that the lived experiences of others are present in discussions on masculinity, but please remember that this is a space to discuss issues pertaining to men and masc individuals. Be kind, open-minded, and take care that you aren't talking over men expressing their own lived experiences.
Be productive
Be proactive in forming a productive discussion. Constructive criticism of our community is fine, but if you mainly criticize feminism or other people's efforts to solve gender issues, your post/comment will be removed.
Keep the following guidelines in mind when posting:
- Build upon the OP
- Discuss concepts rather than semantics
- No low effort comments
- No personal attacks
Assume good faith
Do not call other submitters' personal experiences into question.
No bigotry
Slurs, hate speech, and negative stereotyping towards marginalized groups will not be tolerated.
No brigading
Do not participate if you have been linked to this discussion from elsewhere. Similarly, links to elsewhere on the threadiverse must promote constructive discussion of men’s issues.
Recommended Reading
- The Will To Change: Men, Masculinity, And Love by bell hooks
- Politics of Masculinities: Men in Movements by Michael Messner
Related Communities
!feminism@beehaw.org
!askmen@lemmy.world
!mensmentalhealth@lemmy.world
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Honestly I'm doing positively shitty. A few years ago we had a major home remodel (the initial estimate was 6 figures). The builder was a crook and the invoice was literally double the estimate. Further, he sent the invoice to my wife, and I wasn't cc'd. And without a word to me or any discussion my wife of 22 years just paid it. A few months later when I opened a mortgage bill I was shocked and horrified to find that our mortgage was doubled (some of the work was paid on a HELOC). When I asked her about it she said that I seemed so checked out and disinterested in the process that she just did it. While that is partially true, I did feel we could have gotten the floorplan we wanted with a smaller scope of work, I had also just started working for one of the Internet Giants and they were very intentionally burning me out and playing psychological games.
At some point later she lost her job, she was really upset about it and I just lost my shit. The thought that went through my head was that first she doubled our debt, then she halved our income. Not that she got herself fired, but the signs were pretty obvious that the company was mismanaged, and I urged her to start looking for a new job. If I posted to AITAH the answer would be an unqualified yes, and I freely admit it.
Now she's hiding her phone screen from me (not that I made a point of reading it, but it wasn't a thing before) and having conversations in the garage (once again I never intentionally eavesdropped) - it's like we're more roommates than a married couple now.
And in truth, I really feel like my trust had been violated (there's a term "financial infidelity") but I was trying to re-establish trust, and the fact that she's pulling back is making that a lot harder.
So I find myself so desperate for any kind of support that I'm sitting here shaking and spilling my guts to a random group of people on the internet, even though I know the level of genuine danger that could expose me to. I do have a therapist who I'm seeing today, but right now I don't even know that that's enough.
Hey, man. Your comment is a week old and I've got no solid advice for you, but I want you to know that someone read your post. You're in a shitty situation and I feel for you. Stay strong, stay level headed, and don't forget you're not alone.