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So, on pronouns. (lemmy.ml)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by shapis@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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I have a few questions on how to best behave to be as welcoming and inclusive as possible without sounding bad. I hope you guys don't hate me.

I'm just a straight male. Are my pronouns he/him? Is that how I should tell people? Do you actually tell them as you meet them ? Do I have to wait for a certain social cue ?

How about online. Should I tell people or have it on my personal profile somewhere?

And about respecting other people's pronouns. How do i figure them out ? Is it a big faux pas if I don't before I know them ? Is it a faux pas if I refer to someone I just met and I assumed to be male as he/him?

I've never seen anyone referring to anyone irl by non conventional pronouns. Is it an actual thing or is it currently being pushed to make the world a more inclusive place?

I'd love some help with all of this.

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[–] WhyJiffie@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I agree that it's weird, but I think sharing pronouns in an introduction is different from sharing ethnicity, place of living, and favorite color.
The latter 3 does not matter in a conversation, but the pronouns are always part of conversations: when you're speaking about Greg, you don't repeatedly say their name ("yeah, Greg has came into office half an hour ago, and Greg has been to the fridge, and Greg has prepared Greg's desktop, Greg is playing on the PlayStation since then. You can find Greg in the game room") because that's weird, you instead refer to it in a shorter form after the first time: with pronouns ("yeah, Greg has came into office an hour ago, and he has been to the fridge, and he has prepared his desktop, he is playing on the PlayStation since then. You can find him in the game room")

So my point is that it shouldn't hurt to also include your pronouns, when it's not obvious, because they will be used, and it will probably bother you. And we all (should) know that unhappy people won't be efficient, not just in work but neither in life. Are you a he? You don't want to be called a she either, right?

[–] daan@lemmy.vanoverloop.xyz 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Fair point, it doesn't hurt to include it. But my point is that in most cases it's irrelevant and it isn't something everyone has to start doing.

When I go outside and look around me, 99% of the people don't need to tell me what their pronouns are, because I guess simply guess them with high certainty based on how they look. You might disagree with this if you feel like everyone should be able to choose their own pronouns (which is fine by me), but in reality most people don't want to tell you their pronouns, they want you to look at them and just know.

[–] WhyJiffie@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 year ago

But my point is that in most cases it's irrelevant and it isn't something everyone has to start doing.

I did not yet see this happening IRL, but I can see that just exclaiming it is not appropriate. Though maybe they honestly just don't know what better way is there to introduce themselves, and to be clear, I don't know either.

When I go outside and look around me, 99% of the people don't need to tell me what their pronouns are, because

Because you won't have to do anything with them. They don't tell their name either, because why would they do that, when just passing by on the street?
However at introductions there is a place for the pronouns, however weird it sounds today. I mean, introduction is about letting others know you and your things that you find relatively important.

but in reality most people don't want to tell you their pronouns,

Never said anyone would have to. I would never do that either, because is it obvious. Same for most people, because it is obvious. This is an optional thing, even for non-binary people: only those have to tell it who want to do so.