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How do you torture an evil hell entity you capture in your room? (sopuli.xyz)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by pinkdrunkenelephants@sopuli.xyz to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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So at 4:30 in the morning, I was woken by an interdimensional alien monstrosity I can only imagine is one of the creatures David Grusch was alluding to in that Congressional hearing a few weeks ago, and after an hour of running away, suppressing my screams, and unsuccessful attempts at smashing the thing, I have captured it in a Mason jar, and now have no idea how to properly punish it.

And I emphasize punish as opposed to simply kill, for the indignities this not-so-little asshole put me through the past hour render it completely undeserving of any mercy, quarter, or protection under our legal system.

IT'S HALF THE SIZE OF MY FUCKING HAND.

IT, IT'S BROWN AND SHINY ALL AT THE SAME TIME SOMEHOW.

IT FLEW. I HAD TO DODGE TO KEEP IT FROM FLYING IN MY FACE. 😡😡😡🤬🤬🤬😰😰😰

It dared to defy the authority of the top creature of the motherfucking pecking order on Earth, and for my humiliation it must be forced to suffer. An example must be made so none of its kind get any ideas. I don't want them to invade Earth and destroy humanity.

Only this is my first time dealing with something like this and I don't know how to make it suffer.

How do you maximize the pain of an evil alien entity from another dimension? How do we make it suffer as much as possible? Yes, this is a serious question.

Can these things even feel pain?

Did, did Lovecraft ever leave any of his instructions in his books? Anyone have a copy of the Necronomicon, perchance?

Proof that aliens exist, EAT YOUR HEART OUT GRUSCH: https://ibb.co/9VpsTMt

No throwaways, we die like aliens dumb enough to crash land in the American heartland

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[–] Mothra@mander.xyz 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Unless it has given unmistakable evidence of possessing high intelligence, torture is pointless. It doesn't understand its transgression, or how you feel, let alone they'll ever be able to link the cause of their suffering as a consequence of such transgression.

I would suggest you re evaluate the costs and benefits of making this alien suffer. It's likely not that convenient for you anyway.

And no, no aliens lay eggs on people. The dust is already unusual.

[–] pinkdrunkenelephants@sopuli.xyz -4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

I don't know; I think that thing plenty understood the terror it put me through when it tried to fly into my face.

Okay, all joking aside, that thing does have to be killed regardless and it's too strong to be smooshed, voice of experience. I just need to meditate and figure out how.

[–] Mothra@mander.xyz 5 points 1 year ago

Well if you must kill it you can spray insecticide in the jar and cover it quickly. Otherwise you can just leave it in the jar.

I prefer the swift death with a chancla though, I find the first two options take too long, in particular the second, and these aliens can stay alive for more than a week in captivity. Since you can't use the chancla I would recommend the spray.

[–] dan1101@lemm.ee 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Water should do the trick. It has to breathe something.

[–] pinkdrunkenelephants@sopuli.xyz -5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

A slow death by drowning does seem appropriate. I could even pop a hole in the top to stop it escaping while I pour the water in.

I hope they can't swim 😰