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[META] What sort of recurrent discussion threads would you like to see here?
(self.mensliberation)
this post was submitted on 21 Aug 2023
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Men's Liberation
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- The Will To Change: Men, Masculinity, And Love by bell hooks
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You are right I should totally read it. I recently listened/read "This is how you lose the time wars" and also greatly enjoyed it. I think in the past I consumed short stories way more often and always greatly enjoyed the experience.
Oh I am so happy you also liked the video! Yeah it felt like such a good takedown of it. I remember when I started being interested in relationship advice and I always felt that r/relationship(advice) was always hella toxic :D I really liked the polyamourous folk on reddit though. They were usually heavily centred on trying to communicate and accomodate the needs of our partner. Which - I'm still monogamous - felt like how I want to engage with my relationships. There have been some distinct moments for me where I was assuming how my partner wanted stuff or what I should want and it's usually been a pretty stupid experience to realise it's just not what I/they wanted. AND I think relationships change so much over time. Like we just become different people/versions of ourselves and it is constant work to stay aligned and in sync with your partner. Sure there are moments where it just works and you can read their mind but I think it's healthy to acknowledge that that's not always the case :X
Honestly - I only saw Everything Everywhere all at once last year and totally loved it, otherwise I was more focused on series I would say. I really liked Severance and Silo, but I'm a huuuuuuuuuge sucker for SciFi especially when the social commentary is really being explored.
Besides that I've been mostly just randomly watchng youtube videos and played some games. I'm starting my last master's year in 2 weeks so I've been looking forward and dreading it at the same time xD I feel like I've been studying for sooo many years now (part-time mostly) that I shouldn't feel such tumultous emotions, but yeah my body disagrees xD
What are you doing on your end that you don't end up super bored? :)
I like your take on relationships. It is definitely work to maintain a relationship. God damn. And sometimes trivial stuff to you is super important to them, and no one knows why—okay, I'm just complaining. But I definitely agree. I also found the BDSM community (though I'm very vanilla) very focused on communication. That's funny, though, right? These "deviant" communities model better approaches to communication than mainstream models.
Oh, hey, more that we have in common lol. I love sci-fi.
This must be a joke. I'm currently in my last master's year. I'm doing an MBA. Never really wanted one but my job is paying for it so...why not? PLus, I enjoy studying. When I was younger, I failed out of college, and somehow convinced myself that studying is kinda fun. That way, when I went back, I'd kill it. And I did.
What's your master's for? In any case, if you've got this far, you've probably overcome most of the really, really hard parts, right?
I don't even know now. I can say that I spend a lot of time playing Dota 2 (god I hate that game...I'm gonna play a match in half an hour lol). I also have this weird obsession with trying to breakdown right-wing arguments entirely for my own benefit. Otherwise, it feels like time passes by so quickly that I don't do much of anything before something else is due. You know?
Haha but yeah I totally get that :D Some things I basically only do for my partner cuz they are so incredibly important to them, but I would never do them. One of those things is that when I was outside using public transport I always change my clothes at home lest I bring the germs onto our furniture (I dunno if that is remotely how it works) but I've grown kind of accustomed to it - when he's not at home for a while I immediately stop doing it though xD
I recently also watched something by the Gottman Institute. https://youtu.be/AKTyPgwfPgg?si=O3X3vrNUIlVFx27M The way I understand it he's a researcher on relationships with another researcher and they really study how relationships work in being positive experiences for both. He also very clearly argues that communication WITH and responding positively to your partner are key factors. I honestly didn't have many relationships before my currently longterm one so I'm usually always looking for other perspectives on how to feel/understand our topics in the relationship. How long has your rleationship been going on for now?
And yes I always think that's funny how fringe groups are sometimes so knowledgeable about certain topics. On the other hand I know it from my outing and living as a gay man. Like you were so forced to be confronted with your own desires being "deviant" from normal issues that you are so forced to do a deep dive into the thematic and really explore it, understand it and sometimes subvert it outright. And yes the way I remember it I also felt comfortable in BDSM places of communication but found polyamourous a bit more approachble :D
WELLLLLL those are a lot of overlaps between us :D I'm doing an MSc in Psychology, it should be alright honestly, like I know it's gotta be manageable and I performed well in the years before, I'm just a bit anxious in general I would say xD So the wait for it is harder for me >.< In the last year I can mostly do stuff to specialise which is going to be male socialisation and men mental health issues and stuff. So I'm quite hopeful I'll do alright :D What's your master in? :) And I think it's cool that you gave it another shot. I honestly think studying is fun, as is any kind of learning that resonates with you. And you do strike me as a curious person :) I can totally see how in some parts of our life studying just doesn't fit.
And I play League of Legends xD Two peas in a pod for real :D They recently took away the game mode I REALLY enjoyed playing with a friend so it feels like a chore currently, I totally feel you there. Dota 2 felt a bit to complx for me when I played it for a while AGES ago :D