Men's Liberation
This community is first and foremost a feminist community for men and masc people, but it is also a place to talk about men’s issues with a particular focus on intersectionality.
Rules
Everybody is welcome, but this is primarily a space for men and masc people
Non-masculine perspectives are incredibly important in making sure that the lived experiences of others are present in discussions on masculinity, but please remember that this is a space to discuss issues pertaining to men and masc individuals. Be kind, open-minded, and take care that you aren't talking over men expressing their own lived experiences.
Be productive
Be proactive in forming a productive discussion. Constructive criticism of our community is fine, but if you mainly criticize feminism or other people's efforts to solve gender issues, your post/comment will be removed.
Keep the following guidelines in mind when posting:
- Build upon the OP
- Discuss concepts rather than semantics
- No low effort comments
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Assume good faith
Do not call other submitters' personal experiences into question.
No bigotry
Slurs, hate speech, and negative stereotyping towards marginalized groups will not be tolerated.
No brigading
Do not participate if you have been linked to this discussion from elsewhere. Similarly, links to elsewhere on the threadiverse must promote constructive discussion of men’s issues.
Recommended Reading
- The Will To Change: Men, Masculinity, And Love by bell hooks
- Politics of Masculinities: Men in Movements by Michael Messner
Related Communities
!feminism@beehaw.org
!askmen@lemmy.world
!mensmentalhealth@lemmy.world
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Just get a vasectomy and get it over with.
It's a low-risk, high reward procedure. One weekend of mild discomfort, sitting on the couch eating pizza and drinking beer, a couple more days of leaving your weiner alone, then a couple wanks to clear the pipes, and two post-vasectomy sperm tests, and you're in the clear* for the rest of your life.
I think you're understating it. While the op was pretty painless. The wound care can be a little stressful.
It is a permanent procedure and one really needs to consider if they are happy to go that route. Reversals have a high reversal failure rate that get worse over time. Can not be counted upon. Even if you freeze sperm, IVF is never a guarantee, and not all women are comfortable with it.
Of course, I did this, and absolutely have no regrets. Probably one of the better decisions I have made. Anxiety has gone, and I feel somewhat safe.
I didn't really want to take the permanent route, but had no other choice the was safe. Condom failure rate is high, and trust in regards to other methods is just too much. You want to have full control over your reproduction.
Most (good) urologists offer "no-scalpel" vasectomies these days - the incision is extraordinarily small, requires no stitches, heals quickly, and with a bare minimum amount of care (relax for a weekend, and daily cleaning and applying an antibiotic gel) you should be healed up in 7-10 days. Yes, you still need contraception for 6 to 8 weeks (until the tests come back clear) but after that, it's smooth sailing.
I had a no scalpel vasectomy. My wound took about 3 weeks for me to feel comfortable. I had doubts after 2 weeks, but it eventually got there. They don't unnecessarily give out antibiotics here. It was a case of water to clean and keep it dry. I ended up using antiseptic cleaning fluid for the last week or so.
Here in the UK, they say 12 weeks minimum, and the test for all clear is after 16 weeks, but that's probably a little safer and in these situations, I ain't taking any gambles. Imagine knocking someone up 9 weeks after a vasectomy. Could be soul destroying.
It was literally the leat painful doctor visit I've had. Laid flat on my back for a day, and then I was running around like normal two days later. Before I got the surgery done people were telling me how horrible I'd be feeling and I'd never enjoy sex again, and I wonder where so many people got such bad info.
The stories you got were extreme, but mine was no walk in the park either.
I had to request more anaesthetic during the procedure because I could feel way too much of what was happening. That was endurable but extremely unpleasant.
Recovery wise I was up and walking around relatively normally after 3 days or so. A week to feel mostly normal doing day to day tasks. A month before I felt really actually normal. 6 months before the scar was totally healed.
It seems extreme to suggest you'd never enjoy sex again. If that were true what would be the point of the procedure? It was two weeks or so before we gave it a go, and it was great.
One weird thing with mine is that my first two samples came back positive. So I waited an extra two months then went in again and finally the tests came back negative.
Anyway my point isn't to discount what you're saying. But I think it's important to have as much anecdotal info out there as possible. The only regret I have is that they offered me a valium before the surgery and I turned it down. No idea why I did that but I'm sure my nervousness contributed to how stressful the whole ordeal was and that could have been avoided had it not been for my own hubris.
This doesn't help if I don't want kids now but know I want them later
That isn't a good situation to be in but completely understandable. I don't envy you. The treadrope of finding people to trust and always having to guard and protect yourself is not fun.
Just what the planet needs. More humans. We're doing SUCH a great job right now.
Hey, don't attack what people want. This is a biological urge and hard to decide against. If you don't want children, that is cool for you. If others do, that is also fine for them.
The world is messed up and getting worse, obviously, but may won't share our cynicism and I probably don't want to drag people down with me. It's hard to build enthusiasm after.
If what people want is dumb, I'm going to call it dumb. The planet is alternately on fire or under water. It's time to make many drastic changes, but billionaires are still flying rockets, flying private jets across the world for shopping or soccer, and everyone else is driving SUVs and turning up the A/C until they have to put a sweater on. :)
If you're not depressed by the current situation (nevermind the prospects for the future), you're not paying attention.
I am bothered about those things, but choose not to let fear and anger run my life. Those emotions without action are pointless. Just suffering with no gain, and what's the point in dwelling in negative emotion?
The world is not a good place, are you helping make it a better place calling people dumb?
Some people are only happy when everyone else is unhappy.
I've decided to at least keep it net neutral. If I have 2 kids then my net contribution to population growth is 0.
If you really want to stop ballooning population growth, help educate people who have less access to educational resources, and help give them access to healthcare; birth control included.
If your "compromise" is to do your part to keep the population at an unsustainable number, I only hope you don't get to watch them suffer in the coming collapse.
I feel like you completely missed the last half of my comment.
Education and access to birth control will help drastically to prevent and avoid both overpopulation and/or the problems that come with it.
The issue isn't you our me having a couple kids, it's the people having 5+ kids.
Too many people isnt the problem. Its what the people are doing. And the ones who are doing the most harms are very, very few in number.
And those people whose impact is disproportionate... What have we done to roll that back?
Precisely nothing.
Are you talking guilliotines?
I'm talking about taxing billionaires and billionaire toys until it's infeasible to be a billionaire anymore.
The guillotines come later, when we continue doing nothing until it's too late and the starving, drowning, burning hoardes are looking for someone to blame.
I mean, you're not considering people who would want to have children later.