this post was submitted on 25 Jul 2023
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Right but this isn't the workplace or a regular social interaction. Most users do not know each other or keep track. Hell 99.99999% of my (former) community probably had no idea I was a mod. The relationship just isn't there to even exercise a social contract "as a mod." It's all hyper individual moments and one bad mod interaction is usually enough to sour someone against all mods. It's an impossible game to play. So I just tried to enforce the rules as best I could, as the community asked me to do, and stay out of flame wars in my own backyard. I explained my reasoning when asked, which usually led to me being called a slur or something similar. So this ideal you're asking for - which I don't even really disagree with - does not and will not take place, unfortunately.
This doesn't even touch the issue of people who swear they were "banned for literally no reason" and then run around reinforcing the reputation of "mods are power tripping jannies who hate free speech."
Ah, my daily reminder that I really can't stand people and cruelty scales with intelligence. I really wish you didn't have a point. The one time I ever was irreversibly banned, it was over something moronic: I had referred to myself as stupid, and "stupid is a slur," and that was the end of the decision. I can't even make that shit up, it's the event that made me stop caring about being downvoted, etc. because no one was taking this seriously anyway.
But 95% of people who have to ask...probably already know, yeah. I don't envy that in the least.
I appreciate your willingness to hear me out. It's such a weird gig being a mod. Most removals/bans are justified - basic stats will tell you that unless one truly believes most or all mods are inherently power tripping egomaniacs who get off on removing people from forums. The people who remember their interactions with mods are fewer than those who don't, because like your lights at home, you don't notice them until something is wrong.
I'm sorry someone was heavy-handed with you. It's a bummer they blew an opportunity for a good dialogue. I think in some communities calling someone "stupid" is correctly not allowed, so I'd need a little more context, but calling people "stupid" is also pretty common (even though I don't like insults to people's intelligence/allusions to "people being slow" as it's often rooted in some ugly stuff) so they need to be a little more patient with people and better present the reasoning. Get you to buy in as opposed to "shut up and stop doing it" and all that.
Trying to dig through a couple years of notifications for proof mostly just told me I got a LOT more awards than I realized, and I eventually gave up. But it wasn't aimed at someone else, or I wouldn't have had a problem with being reprimanded for it. I make it a point to try to be as civil as I can be, and I was literally being derogatory towards myself.
I am not allowed to be mean...to me....for fear of being ostracized. This decision was ~~stupid~~ enough that I pretty much just consented to say whatever I stood by from now on, since all punishment was being treated like a toy anyway. As a generally anxious person, I consider it a significant character improvement if we're being honest.
I should thank you as well, and I'm glad this didn't just devolve into the standard internet interaction, since I was originally only seeing it from my angle and we did definitely start on the wrong foot. I think after spending so much time on kbin, the shock of checking up on my one kebble sub and seeing how deliberately shitty the kind of places I used to frequent really were really stood out to me a LOT. As in, there are subs I used to check frequently that I would block if they came here.
It would take a lot to make me start slinging insults at anyone except myself, but I recognize there's a fine line between "enjoys debate" and "tends to pick fights" and I've been making conscious efforts not to bring the performative reddit snark over here. I still have to deliberately backspace over things now and again and edit things that came out unintentionally harsh the first time, but it's the person I prefer being.
Man you are insightful, truly. If I look at my old comments I’ve clearly engaged in my own “Reddit performative snark” over here (Kbin for me). I appreciate your helping me notice that. I’m glad we corrected the course of our conversation here and I look forward to many great ones in the future. Thanks for sharing all this.
Funny to see you with the Loki take by the way. Didn’t realize you were the same person.
As much time as I spend thinking about social motivations/interactions, I'm a little aggravated at myself that I let it get to me as much as I have. It really shows to me how insidious it can be. People only really interacted with each other to prove their opponent was wrong and stupid and bad, and because doing this was the easiest way to be rewarded on reddit, of course that's going to make it seep into things.
Being a dick is a fun activity that makes you a part of a group, and humans love being liked more than they love most things in this world. Being empathetic just makes you feel really bad and kind of confused. By making me consider the other side, you're making me feel bad >:(
So the rare times I got downvoted a lot, it was usually me telling people to look after/stop being assholes to each other. Sarcastic know-it-all comments? Popular if they were short and quippy, unpopular if they were long and academic. People like to be liked, and if you want most social media platforms to like you, you have to be really mean and borderline illiterate.
I'd been meaning to respond to this thread for maybe a full day before I saw you around over there, and that was apparently the reminder I needed. It was amusing. This place has already gotten large enough in a month that I've lost track of some people I used to see positively everywhere, and knowing that's the way of things makes me a bit sad, but I'll enjoy being able to recognize people while I can. I look forward to it too, I hope you have a nice weekend :)