this post was submitted on 13 Dec 2024
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DISCLAIMER - I am not planning on fighting a pelican.

there's a brown pelican that hangs out on the railing of a very narrow portion of a boardwalk nearby. the only reason it makes me nervous is because it's huge, but their nails look short, and their beaks are pointed, but curved downwards so they would have to try to bite me with that long thing instead of pecking me.

like, if a bird capable of clawing or eating my eyes out attacked my face, I'd honestly have no qualms about killing it immediately. but if I ever get attacked by a pelican, it looks like I could just kind of hold it off without having to hurt it. am I right in that?

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[–] YottaDren@lemmy.world 99 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Ok so my experience comes from catching chickens and clawed ducks as a child, so assuming you're a full grown adult, and this chart, the ratios are the same.

You gotta catch them from surprise, from the back, but it sounds like you're already in the fight if shit goes down. The beak is your issue. The wings are just a distraction. Get the pelican bastard from the neck, as high as possible if you can and try to grab the legs. ChatGPT says they don't really use their legs to fight, but worst case, start swinging it. I bet once you clamp on the beak, it'll be hard for it to open. Like how alligators can chomp down, but have trouble opening. Once it's subdued, it might stay freaked out for a while. You just gotta hold it until it accepts defeat.

Then take it to your mom and she'll take the head and feathers off for dinner.

Best of luck brother.

[–] kambusha@sh.itjust.works 49 points 5 days ago (4 children)

You can never plan to fight a pelican. It just happens. We've all been there.

[–] tilefan@lemm.ee 10 points 4 days ago

it's a long-standing tradition. all official pelican fights must be a surprise

[–] NotSteve_@lemmy.ca 3 points 4 days ago

I don't live in a place that's even remotely hospitable for pelicans but you're right. It just kind of happens sometimes. Like a fact of life

[–] RamblingPanda@lemmynsfw.com 3 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I haven't. Did I miss much?

I've been attached by geese though.

[–] kambusha@sh.itjust.works 6 points 5 days ago (1 children)
[–] RamblingPanda@lemmynsfw.com 8 points 5 days ago (1 children)
[–] anomnom@sh.itjust.works 2 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Not as much as geese bites. They’re vicious medium sized bastards.

[–] RamblingPanda@lemmynsfw.com 1 points 3 days ago

*physical rejection 😔

[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 2 points 4 days ago

What's it going to do? Swallow you? Lmao. It can try. I don't see how it can intentionaly hurt an actual human.