Selfhosted
A place to share alternatives to popular online services that can be self-hosted without giving up privacy or locking you into a service you don't control.
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You say XMPP doesn't work for the request, why not?
@wildbus8979 @Bahnd Yeah, XMPP checks all the boxes. That said, I don't know how well encrypted group chats (MUC) work with various clients.
Also, while message contents are encrypted, metadata is not. Self-hosting ameliorates that, but if your "self-hosting" involves a VPS or whatever hosted by a giant corporation, then that's something to be aware of.
My last expirence with XMPP is very dated, my old groups in EvE online used it and it was perfect for its role as a sort of internet pager to summon the horde of nerds. Im aware there are many new related projects, discounting it seems a bit premature now, if you have any recomendations I would love to read their docs.
My concern is that I would have to pitch what ever project we landed on to a semi-technical group of gamers with a handful of admins to run things. (Trying to avoid a platform that gen-z would complain about, and they already roll their eyes at me when I mention spaceships and spreadsheets).
XMPP clients for Android are great, for iOS a bit less so. On Windows / Linux Gajim is probably the best option right now. JoinJabber.org has a good list of up to date clients (do not use Pidgin, it's horrible and super outdated).
In general the main downside compared to Discord is the lack of voice-channels. 1:1 voice or video calls work great with the Android clients and group calls are partially supported in some desktop clients (that is currently very active field of development for XMPP clients).
Snikket seems to be it for iOS. But it does work pretty well, I haven't run into any issues with it.
For Windows well, nothing does voice as far as I know.
Voice call implementation in Gajim is only waiting for an upstream improvement, it is already working otherwise. Sadly upstream seems slow in fixing this.
You can try this unofficial Windows version of Dino though, which supports calls: https://github.com/mxlgv/dino
Edit: and there is of course always Movim, which works fine in most browsers and supports 1:1 calls.