this post was submitted on 22 Aug 2024
95 points (93.6% liked)

No Stupid Questions

35809 readers
2059 users here now

No such thing. Ask away!

!nostupidquestions is a community dedicated to being helpful and answering each others' questions on various topics.

The rules for posting and commenting, besides the rules defined here for lemmy.world, are as follows:

Rules (interactive)


Rule 1- All posts must be legitimate questions. All post titles must include a question.

All posts must be legitimate questions, and all post titles must include a question. Questions that are joke or trolling questions, memes, song lyrics as title, etc. are not allowed here. See Rule 6 for all exceptions.



Rule 2- Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material.

Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material. You will be warned first, banned second.



Rule 3- Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here.

Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here. Breaking this rule will not get you or your post removed, but it will put you at risk, and possibly in danger.



Rule 4- No self promotion or upvote-farming of any kind.

That's it.



Rule 5- No baiting or sealioning or promoting an agenda.

Questions which, instead of being of an innocuous nature, are specifically intended (based on reports and in the opinion of our crack moderation team) to bait users into ideological wars on charged political topics will be removed and the authors warned - or banned - depending on severity.



Rule 6- Regarding META posts and joke questions.

Provided it is about the community itself, you may post non-question posts using the [META] tag on your post title.

On fridays, you are allowed to post meme and troll questions, on the condition that it's in text format only, and conforms with our other rules. These posts MUST include the [NSQ Friday] tag in their title.

If you post a serious question on friday and are looking only for legitimate answers, then please include the [Serious] tag on your post. Irrelevant replies will then be removed by moderators.



Rule 7- You can't intentionally annoy, mock, or harass other members.

If you intentionally annoy, mock, harass, or discriminate against any individual member, you will be removed.

Likewise, if you are a member, sympathiser or a resemblant of a movement that is known to largely hate, mock, discriminate against, and/or want to take lives of a group of people, and you were provably vocal about your hate, then you will be banned on sight.



Rule 8- All comments should try to stay relevant to their parent content.



Rule 9- Reposts from other platforms are not allowed.

Let everyone have their own content.



Rule 10- Majority of bots aren't allowed to participate here.



Credits

Our breathtaking icon was bestowed upon us by @Cevilia!

The greatest banner of all time: by @TheOneWithTheHair!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 

I have a problem with establishing boundaries.

I'm a private person. That's very often misinterpreted as being arrogant and feeling superior to others. I'm not, I just wish to be left alone, but people still feel disrespected and it's tiring to be constantly explaining yourself. And I don't understand why I have to explain myself constantly.

This very emotional and thankful patient wanted a picture with me and I stupidly agreed. He also wanted my phone number (I gave him a false one) to invite me to have lunch, as he celebrated his 70th birthday. I don't believe it was sexual or romantic, because he is married, his wife was there when he extended the invitation and took the picture and he also wanted to invite the whole unit.

I acted like this because it was the easiest way to get him to leave the hospital and free the room but also because I didn't want to cause a scene.

What could I do next time?

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] jbrains@sh.itjust.works 12 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

I don't think extra politeness is going to help you much here. If you don't do what they ask you to do and they don't understand why, they'll probably assume you're being rude, no matter which words or tone you choose.

You don't need to explain yourself. Others need to learn to respect your choices about yourself. Yes, it's tiring. It's their fault, but partly your problem.

Your responsibility ends with "Thank you, but no." Unfortunately, some people will feel hurt by this, no matter how cheerily you say it, because they simply don't expect it. They will tell themselves that you are not being genuine by trying to both remain friendly and deny their request. You can't change this; only they can choose to interpret your response differently. And most people never try this. Instead they merely expect you to be agreeable and do what they want you to do.

If you want to establish your boundaries, then you need to practise letting them feel hurt and not feeling responsible for it. This is one reason I meditate.

Peace.

[–] Random123@fedia.io -4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

If youre someone without a care for people or just plain socially inept then sure your advice can work.

All it takes is some social competency to understand how to politely reject someone even if it means changing your wording and tone.

[–] jbrains@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

You failed just now, so why would someone take your opinion about this seriously? (If this bothers you, then try reading it again in a cheerier tone. Oh! That didn't help? Strange.)

[–] sem@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 2 months ago (1 children)

You're right they didn't say it very nicely, but they are correct in a sense. You may need to use the "polite but firm card" if they aren't taking no for an answer, but it doesn't hurt to soften the rejection if you are saying no to a picture with a patient or someone else that you cared for. Many people will respect that, and the niceness goes a long way. And if they don't respect it, you don't owe them anything.

[–] jbrains@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Yes. Of course. I fail to see where I suggested not softening the rejection. 🤷‍♂️

I write "You can't make them take your no for an answer, they have to choose to do that. It's not a matter of politeness and it's not your responsibility." and people draw conclusions based on facts not in evidence. That. Is. My. Point. Whatever you try to do, they'll find a way to find you rude, so don't take responsibility for that.

Moreover, let's also remember that a less-polite "no" is still a "no", and people need to learn to respect those, too. A sharper "no" is very often the result of 100 attempts to be polite and still be considered rude.