Transfem
A community for transfeminine people and experiences.
This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.
Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban.
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Posters may express that they are looking for responses and support from groups with certain experiences (eg. trans people, trans people with supportive parents, trans parents.). Please respect those requests and be mindful that your experience may differ from others here.
To make such a request, at the start of the body of your post, not in the title, the first line should look like the this: [Requesting Engagement from _________]
Some helpful links:
- The Gender Dysphoria Bible // In depth explanation of the different types of gender dysphoria.
- Trans Voice Help // A community here on blahaj.zone for voice training.
- LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory // A directory of LGBTQ+ accepting Healthcare providers.
- Trans Resistance Network // A US-based mutual aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination.
- TLDEF's Trans Health Project // Advice about insurance claims for gender affirming healthcare and procedures.
- TransLifeLine's ID change Library // A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document.
- Gender Spectrum // Resources for youth, parents and family, educators, mental health professionals and faith leaders.
Support Hotlines:
- The Trevor Project // Web chat, phone call, and text message LGBTQ+ support hotline.
- TransLifeLine // A US/Canada LGBTQ+ phone support hotline service. The US line has Spanish support.
- LGBT Youthline.ca // A Canadian LGBT hotline support service with phone call and web chat support. (4pm - 9:30pm EST)
- 988lifeline // A US only Crisis hotline with phone call, text and web chat support. Dedicated staff for LGBTQIA+ youth 24/7 on phone service, 3pm to 2am EST for text and web chat.
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Hey OP I'm in a somewhat similar boat so maybe I can chime in to help.
I've pondered many many times if I'm trans/would like to present as a woman. Every time I come out of those introspection sessions feeling like I wouldn't mind being a woman at all (physically or not), but I also don't feel a strong desire to be one either, nor do I have feelings of dysphoria with regards to my current body (or euphoria at the idea of changing it to be like a woman's for that matter).
But like you I also think I wish I was more female presenting and I like "traditionally female" things, so to speak (as a silly anectodte, just this past summer I painted my whole room pink and started collecting plushies, even though I still have a thick ass beard).
I think in the end, if I were to label myself, this lands me somewhere in the non-binary spectrum, because I don't have a strong attachment to the notion of maleness and have never seen myself "fully" as a man, but I also don't think I could go around calling myself a woman either.
And after several years of this mental back and forth I frankly just now forgo the idea of labeling myself (which I guess could be a label like agender but I've never given it much thought). It's tiring and nothing ever feels like it fits entirely. I feel happier doing what I like and presenting how I like, and that's enough.
Of course this isn't to say you're the same as me, but I hope this helps broaden your horizons if you don't feel like you're trans but not exactly cis either.
Demi gender labels may be of interest to you. Being transfem doesn't necessitate being feminine or un-masculine in any way. You can be yourself authentically, be whoever you want to be. And being a non-binary or demi or fluid person does NOT mean you deserve any less respect from others. I know it's the tendency to say things like "I use he/him or she/her because it's easiest for others" and the same with terms like sir/ma'am, boy/girl, man/woman, etc. But you by no means have to. You can ask to be referred to however you want. It is on other people to respect your identity and your choice in how you are gendered. If they won't respect that it has nothing to do with your identity being invalid and everything to do with them being disrespectful assholes. All forms of gender identity are valid.
Demi gender is certainly a way I could approach my situation. For the most part, at least online (lord knows no one around me irl could even wrap their head around it) I just use any/all pronouns and feel satisfied with that. I guess I'm jus mostly apathetic towards it.
I’m fairly similar to this myself. I don’t really care too much about my gender identity; it feels like if I woke up tomorrow in a female-presenting body, I’d be totally fine with being a woman. At the same time, I don’t mind being a man, and don’t have any strong desire to change anything.
At the end of the day, I don’t strongly identify with being either male or female, so I’ve just called myself gender apathetic. I stick with he/him pronouns because it’s easiest, but I’d be fine with any other pronouns as well. I’m me, and that’s the most important thing.
Any/All pronouns are powerful. I hope people in your life are respectful of that. You may want to have a look at agender labels and the communities associated with them. My partner is largely gender apathetic but dysphoric about being gendered femininely. They identify quite strongly with the term "agender" and I've learned a lot about that community through them.