oNevion

joined 1 year ago
[–] oNevion@lemm.ee 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yeah, for anyone lurking and making it this far, feel free to reach out to me as well if you'd like to connect! I'm happy to make new friends and think we could all use some more support ❤️

And I agree. My son is a very adorable responsibility and I love him more each day. I know I'm biased, but he is probably the best person to have ever existed? 😂

[–] oNevion@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago

Glad I'm not the only one with the weird beard issues. At first it made me doubt my self but I also had a beard for almost 10 years. Now that I'm used to it more I don't think it's too bad. Put me in a bit of an in-between state, but I'm getting more comfortable with the journey ❤️

I guess the pen contouring would help a bit in seeing the surgeon's "vision". Hope you're happy with the results so far!

[–] oNevion@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

No need to apologize ^^ I'm slow at responding too (and also over apologizing so I get it ❤️)

I think I am experiencing that same artificial rift you're talking about. My wife has been the only one to see my true self (while we were teenagers I was a lot more explorative in my gender and then shut it down for a decade) and she told me how those were the parts of my self she loved the most. Now that I can embrace that part of myself again, we've gotten closer than ever!

It's still difficult for both of us for sure, but we talk and stay honest and are trying to take it a step at a time.

I really relate to the self care aspect. I completely let all of that go while trying to force myself into the "man" box I thought I was supposed to be in. Barely showered, only bought clothes for practical reasons, let my hair get shaggy, generally just didn't take any care of myself. Almost like I was punishing myself? Got to the point I was actively hurting myself through addiction and pushing my wife away.

Feel like I did a full 180 and now I love taking care of myself. I love shaving and moisturizing and finding clothes that are cute vs just practical. It's done wonders for my self esteem because now I know why I hated myself so much. I wasn't being my true self ❤️

Definitely going to look into support groups and things along those lines. I really lucked out with my current therapist who is gender affirming and I've been working with her for a couple years now. Funny side note, when I was looking for a therapist a couple years ago for general depression and anxiety help, I picked my current therapist because she specifically said in her profile she was an ally for lgbtq. Not that I knew at the time I was trans, but some part of me knew she was who I needed to work with ❤️

I'd love to stay in touch! But the fediverse is still kinda new to me so not sure what calckey or blahaj is 😅

Thank you for helping me so much and supporting a new chick like me 🐣

[–] oNevion@lemm.ee 2 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Oh no, not writing more than my interest level at all! Sometimes it takes me a while to respond back as it's tough finding time to sit down and respond with a toddler climbing all over me 😅

Maybe we can keep this convo going in DM or on discord or something? I enjoy our talks and would like to keep it going as friends? ☺️

I would love to help with the skin care stuff but I'm pretty new to it myself, lol. Luckily my wife has been taking care of her skin for our whole relationship so I got a bit of a leg up in that regard. My understanding so far, and it's mostly related to shaving my body, but you want to have an exfoliant, good razor and shave gel as well as a good lotion/moisturizer. I also have the added difficulty of very sensitive skin so the products I'm looking for deal with that a lot. If that isn't too much of an issue for you, that's great and will open your options up a lot!

I couldn't find your link on Reddit to the sale but was it on Shein? I'm definitely wanting to find some every day panties that are comfortable. I don't want to emphasize the bulge (agree 100% on the grossness of most "men's lingerie" lol), but also not ready to try gaffing yet as I feel like it would be uncomfy 😞 so I'm looking for something that has a little stretch to it as well for, well, ya know.

Feel free to DM me or if you have discord, you should be able to find me by my username o.nevia :)

[–] oNevion@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Huh, that's really interesting. I wasn't sure what all they could do. I feel like I have a really square jaw that my beard helped hide. And once I started my acceptance journey, I shaved it off and got really confused because I felt like I looked even more masculine. But I can't handle having a beard anymore so I've been trying to just deal with it. I think I'm getting used to it now that it's been a few weeks and I'm not "moving my face weird" anymore like my wife was saying lol.

Did you get an idea of how you would look after all the surgeries? Like, did they show you an approximation of how you would look?

This is still all new for me, so I know basically nothing at the moment 😅

[–] oNevion@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago (4 children)

I'm really late to this post but just recently came out to myself. Interested in ffs but don't really know what it all entails?

How did it go for you and are you happy with the results? What exactly do they do if you don't mind me asking?

[–] oNevion@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I hope it goes well for you! Would love an update as you move through your journey ❤️

You got this girl

[–] oNevion@lemm.ee 4 points 1 year ago

29 here. Just realized I was trans so worried I missed out on being able to pass as I transition 😞

[–] oNevion@lemm.ee 5 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Try writing it down in a letter. You don't even need to give it to the person until you feel more ready. But maybe writing these feelings down and expressing them somewhere will help you gain the courage to tell those that matter. And then it's literally just handing them a letter. You won't have to find the courage to put words together because you already did it in your letter.

At least that helps me when I'm trying to say something difficult - no matter how I think the person will react.

Small steps at a time. It sounds like your sisters will be supportive and they may already have a feeling and are just waiting for you to come to them.

Just know you aren't alone and we are here for you as well ❤ ️

You got this hun, and once it's out there - it's done and no longer something you have to do alone. It can be very daunting but also very relieving.

[–] oNevion@lemm.ee 2 points 1 year ago (5 children)

Wow! Thank you so much for explaining your journey with clothes. This was exactly what I needed. It was so overwhelming but now I have a great idea where to start ❤️ definitely going to follow your advice and give it a go. I've tried doing some general searching of products and things on Amazon for a starting point, but even that was overwhelming. My ADHD doesn't help with that though 😅

Glad you enjoyed the album! Probably not going to find too much that is affirming in our journey, but I found it's helped with the idea of being a parent for the first time. For me, becoming a parent helped kick everything into high gear on my self acceptance journey because I could be my truest self with my son. He loves me for me. Loves that I'm nurturing and affectionate. He loves im more motherly than fatherly and that really put things into perspective for me. I realized I saw myself as not only the parent I always wanted to have, but the MOTHER I always wanted to have. Hopefully that makes sense.

I'll definitely try not to think too much about how I look in clothes but more how they make me feel. My wife let me try on a shirt of hers and I felt prettier - but after looking in the mirror I got kinda self conscious about it all? Definitely felt kinda ridiculous but also affirming. This whole journey feels strange sometimes. A lot of conflicting emotions. Feels like I now have a man and woman living inside of me. The man is trying to be protective and shut it all down, but the woman is finally being recognized for who she is ya know?

Is there anything else you have started to experiment with that has been affirming for you?

I've always had bushy eyebrows so I shaped them up and thinned them out and now I feel like my eyes are a better window into who I truly am 🥰

I'm also looking into some lingerie for men. Just some underwear that is more affirming and getting excited about that journey :) something easy to hide and almost a way to secretly be my girly self without anyone needing to know ❤️

[–] oNevion@lemm.ee 4 points 1 year ago

Dj Roomba as a reference to PnR. And Disco, DJs older brother

[–] oNevion@lemm.ee 2 points 1 year ago (7 children)

Definitely going to check out your music as well!

Yeah, I think I used to feel like any type of self care was "too girly" and I think on a subconscious level I was worried it would crack my egg. So I'd let my skin start bleeding from being so dry before reluctantly using lotion. I think I was so disconnected from the man in the mirror 😉 that I didn't have any regard for his well being. Just felt like I was walking around in a meat suit that didn't belong to me.

I am really interested in looking at women's clothing but have no idea where to start. My entire wardrobe has been all practicality and utility. Because anything else felt too constricting or wrong. Didn't know why that was a thing until I cracked lol.

 

So I'm very new to self acceptance on being a woman. Only a week in a half in, but have been contemplating if I were trans for a few months.

My partner is supportive and wonderful but I also know how big of a change this is for her as well. I don't want to move faster than she is comfortable, but also am struggling a lot more with dysphoria since I realized who I am.

I have good days where I explore my femininity and feel a confidence in myself that I've never felt before. It's especially helpful when my wife is right there by my side. Today for example she did my makeup for me. We trimmed my eyebrows, put on foundation and mascara as well as a tinting lip balm. I couldn't stop smiling about how pretty I felt.

Other days I feel more like my old self. Stuck in my shell and shutting down. I didn't realize how dark and depressing my life felt before my acceptance. I feel almost suicidal in those moments because that was generally how I was starting to feel. Just a mountain of shame and guilt over the drastic changes I'm forcing my wife and child to deal with.

I guess I'm wondering how normal it is to feel a shift in my mental image of myself like this? Either I feel like a woman, or something makes me feel like a man and my mood plummets.

Guess I'm just looking for some extra reassurance from others like me. I've only told my therapist and wife and when I'm drowning in guilt, all I want is a hug and reassurance that things will be ok. That I will be ok.

I don't know. This is all so scary sometimes and gives me a pit in my stomach. Do I even have the courage to come out to the world? To risk my life and what I've built with my loved ones to explore this?

 

Getting hit with a lot of emotions. Some scary and some exciting.

My wife is being really supportive and we've been talking through all of this the past couple days nonstop.

Part of me is ready to shave everything and start HRT and feel pretty, but I'm also fucking terrified about how my world will react. It's also only been a few days but I feel like a whole new world has been opened up to me?

I don't know. I want to everyone and nobody so I thought I'd scream into the void here. Hope that is ok.

I'm so fucking empowered by all of you

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