Russia was very explicit in what would happen if the west kept promising NATO membership to Ukraine, and then it did as promised. No such situation exists for any current NATO or EU member state.
To add to this Russia and Ukraine were already de facto at war since 2014, promising a military alliance to a country at war without expecting escalation is just plain stupid.
And just to reiterate, starting a war of aggression is the principal war crime and should not go without consequences. But we do need to live together with Russia on one continent and this requires concessions from both sides, because the alternative is the mass death and destruction that we now see in Ukraine.
Yes I have heard of that phrase, as have most people I think.