TempPitterPatter

That's not a bad idea, ty! <3

I'm a huge fan of splitwise-like apps, but somebody (way before this relationship) convinced me that you shouldn't count pennies in a romantic relationship. I feel like that was terrible advice and I should not have listened, because (ironically) I now spend a lot of time penny-counting ("last time he paid $20 for food, this time I paid $35").

We had this discussion early on in our relationship and we opted to keep it more """natural""", but I think I may want to talk to him about splitting everything more evenly. I just feel like that's an asshole thing to do once we've already started the relationship, but I'm probably wrong.

Thank you so much for your reply!

I think the size of the trip is small enough that if we want to reduce costs we might just not end up going and doing something more local (which honestly, I don't mind either). The trip size/hotel choice was also mostly his idea, not mine. I didn't mention this in my original post, but I think this adds to my feelings towards this trip (i.e. "why am I paying more if this was your idea?" even though that's an awful way to put it)

Thank you for your sample message, sometimes I feel like I'm emotionally incompetent and don't know how to frame the simples of things lol.

Thank you for your response, I really appreciate it!

I can "afford" this trip in both senses of the term, the trip will not have any impact on my necessary spending/bills, and I have an emergency fund that is not being touched by this trip. It is still, psychologically, a huge amount for me. I am the kind of person who thinks twice before buying McDonalds, which again is out of frugality, not of necessity.

In terms of the hotel and the idea of the trip, both were his, though we did have a discussion beforehand. The hotel is only a bit more expensive than the cheapest option we had.

Your may be worried that he is using you for your money. If you are afraid of that then you are already in a bad place in your relationship.

This was a scary sentence to read, lol. I have felt this way a few times in the relationship already. I have brought this up and there has not been a huge outcry, more of a "I had no idea you felt this way, I'm sorry." We always take turns to pay when we eat out, for instance - but I've also noticed we (well, he) tends to spend more when I'm paying.

I think the reason for this is because, for him, the only other kind of relationship he's had is with family (where they obviously pay) and friends (he has a rich friend who, I've heard, covers a disproportionate amount). He's used to "being treated" and just subconsciously doesn't think too much about what the other person is paying. This is also my first romantic relationship, but I live on the other coast from my family and my friends always split the bill, so I'm always very conscious about what other people are spending for me. I don't really know if there is a "right" person here.

I have a hard time saying no to things, too, which is perhaps a part of the reason why it's reached this point. But for the trip, I expected it would be more even.