this post was submitted on 24 May 2024
755 points (99.2% liked)

The Onion

4493 readers
906 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 31 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] FMT99@lemmy.world 94 points 5 months ago (2 children)

She's so relatable. Especially the part where she said "ERROR ERROR ERROR". Who hasn't had a morning like that?

[–] OpenStars@discuss.online 33 points 5 months ago

Yeah, I know what you mean, I too feel that I'm sorry but as a AI language model, I am not allowed to respond to your comment.

😜

[–] dalekcaan@lemm.ee 25 points 5 months ago

Oh Fry, I love you more than the moon, and the stars, and POETIC IMAGE 37 NOT FOUND

[–] gibmiser@lemmy.world 82 points 5 months ago

"At press time, an approving Johansson morphed into the banister she placed her hand on."

[–] restingboredface@sh.itjust.works 36 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I would love to see someone actually make the video this describes.

[–] Haus@kbin.social 16 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Considering that her husband's on SNL, ot could happen.

[–] thisbenzingring@lemmy.sdf.org 14 points 5 months ago (2 children)

who is her husband?

Actually... I am kinda proud I don't know who it is so maybe forget I asked.

[–] HootinNHollerin@lemmy.world 17 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Colin Jost, of weekend update

[–] thisbenzingring@lemmy.sdf.org 9 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Lucky bastard! But dude is funny and seems like an ok dude so that's great for them both.

[–] HootinNHollerin@lemmy.world 2 points 5 months ago

Lucky guy for sure

[–] Veraxus@lemmy.world 8 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Damn, good for Michael Che. He's not ugly or anything. He's handsome enough. But he batted way out of his league.

[–] Veraxus@lemmy.world 12 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

😈🧌

I’m trolling. It’s the other one.

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

James Austin Johnson? πŸ˜›

[–] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de -1 points 5 months ago (4 children)

am i the only one who doesn't find most hollywood women particularly appealing? like yeah scarlet isn't ugly or anything, but she looks a bit weird and stiff and i get the distinct impression that everyone says these women are attractive just because they have smooth skin and look rich..

like, a lot of the women i see just randomly on the street irl are WAY more attractive than those in hollywood

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 7 points 5 months ago

I don't know if you're the only one, but I cannot make the claim that Scarlett Johannson is anything but stunningly beautiful in my perception.

[–] match@pawb.social 3 points 5 months ago

i too am gay

[–] bamfic@lemmy.world 2 points 5 months ago

a no makeup pic was leaked 10 years ago or so and she got furious and tried to sue, and she looked awful in it

[–] thisbenzingring@lemmy.sdf.org 2 points 5 months ago

I don't think she is anymore attractive than most other Hollywood stars. My favorite roll of her's is from Ghost World. I've only seen a handful of her movies. But she's that busty blonde that is a favorite type for many. Personally I'm more partial to Zoey Daschanel. I have watched most of her movies and definitely don't really like her but she's very pretty and I enjoy watching her. I have never watched the tv show she's in. I like M Ward but I don't like their collaboration. πŸ€·β€β™‚οΈ

People like the fantasy that Hollywood types provide. Something it's just that and Scarlet ticks the boxes.

[–] Onii-Chan@kbin.social 35 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I hate how long it took me to realize this was an Onion article.

[–] sadbehr@lemmy.nz 1 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

always read the community name

I've had a couple of 'wtf' moments as well. I learnt to read headline first, then check the community.

[–] MargotRobbie@lemm.ee 25 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I'm sure there is a perfectly logical explanation for all of this strange behavior from ScarJo.

... The explanation being her movie "Under The Skin" is in fact, a documentary, and Academy Award nominated actress Scarlett Johansson wasn't acting: She is actually an alien creature wearing human skin sent to Earth from Scotland to collect information on human behavior.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 12 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Do you two go to the same meetings? Because I'm suspicious about how you know about this. Plus you're both big Hollywood celebrities.

[–] MargotRobbie@lemm.ee 10 points 5 months ago (1 children)

It's common knowledge. There is this other famous one who isn't even trying to hide at this point and calls himself "Zark MuckerBorg" or something.

Like, can you be any more obvious?

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 8 points 5 months ago

This is pretty bold stuff from someone famous for playing a plastic doll.

[–] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 15 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] PM_Your_Nudes_Please@lemmy.world 10 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Holy shit Penny Arcade looks very different nowadays. I haven’t seen a comic from them in probably a decade.

[–] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 3 points 5 months ago

There was one recently where they talked about the strip having taken on a life of its own, and nothing they had done so far had managed to kill it.

[–] RedWeasel@lemmy.world 14 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Didn't realize this was an Onion article at first. Figured it was someone trying to make an AI bad point.

[–] gregorum@lemm.ee 7 points 5 months ago

as always, humans do it better

[–] Substance_P@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago

This is gold, Onion article of the Year 🀣