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When I get crazy stressed at work I sometimes flip the fuck out. I scream and curse things like motherfucking cocksucker piece of shit where people can hear me. I'm a contractor so those people don't know me or are just there at the place I'm working on. Occasionally I break shit when I get this fucked up.
I just came off two forced 80 hour work weeks no days off so it was pretty bad. I'm off now. I'm at peace.
There’s a certain high in that lashing out that’s tough to let go of. I feel you.
I wish that I could explain how I came to handle that stuff better, truth is I haven’t a clue. I just knew I’d come too far to risk losing what I have over anger of all things.
Everything.
I live in Morocco yet I have immense trouble fitting in with Moroccan society. I don't like the customs, most of the food is pretty mid, our music scene is hot garbage, I'm literally queer (just saying that in front of everyone could get me in prison), everyone is obsessed with football and I'm sick of it, I could go on.
I don't know if I'm just a rare and strange breed, or if it's simply a case of "nationality dysphoria", but I think literally existing in a space like this is embarrassing enough to give me conspiracies to leave. Problem is, there is Moroccan diaspora everywhere, especially in the country I'm interested in (which is Belgium, I just love how wild they are), and locals are sick of us, not to mention... visas, motherf***er. I am basically trapped here, in constant threat of weird looks at best, and literal death at worst. Yeah, this is indeed the most embarrassing thing about me.