1 kB is 1024 bytes and a byte is 8 bits. That is not metric. It just uses metric prefixes.

IEC

I propose the base measurement is a Reagit - equal to 36 bit states, or half-bits (36 was the age of Ronald Reagan when the transistor was first invented in 1947)

The next smallest is the Nuclearyte equal to the quantity of times the United States has proven technological superiority in war by using an atomic bomb offensively. So 2 Reagits is 1 Nuclearyte.

After that is the number of US presidents to have survived an assassination attempt (8) known simply as the ‘Merit (and don’t forget the apostrophe). 8 nuclearytes is 1 ‘merit.

Next is the number of years after the birth of Our Lord when Americans landed on the moon. 1969 ‘merits is 1 L-unit (pronounced like Loon)

Even bigger still is the number of amendments it took for the damn commie government to realize that alcohol is essential for human survival. The 18th amendment was a mistake, but the 21st amendment was blessed by Our Father who Art in Heaven without a doubt. 3 L-units is 1 chug

Next is the number of young men who died fighting for the rights of our United States to remain unquestioned by the damn commie federal government during the great war for individually united liberties between 1860 and 1865. 490,309 chugs is 1 Right

And so far we haven’t needed any larger measurements.

Letter to Grandma, The Bible, Vacation photo album, and Video Collection

An Uvalde is the memory equivalent of PCM 48 kHz sample rate of children screaming.

We can use bits instead of bytes. That way it can look 8x bigger than it really is and have no real bearing to modern computing.

Octal. Start expressing it in maga Octal with thoughts prayers and bullets for ones

No, those are not metric, they just borrowed some prefixes, although it's not like metric designers invented those anyways.

American football fields.

These units are too logical and scientific for my free, spirited, emotional, irrational Christian brain so I need something that’s more intuitive.