this post was submitted on 24 Mar 2024

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I was approached in public for being clocked as trans (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 8 months ago by onevia@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/trans@lemmy.blahaj.zone

17 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I was just having a conversation with my wife this morning about my anxiety about the first time I was going to be confronted for my identity. I told her how I felt like it was going to happen soon as I stop passing as cis. Being in a red state in a very rural area makes these anxieties spiral.

Well, it finally happened. I was approached by a stranger for being trans in front of my wife and 20mo son....

And it was such a heartwarming and hopeful interaction! (sorry, I couldn't resist the clickbait plot twist)

My family and I were eating at the local Sam's Club and a man walked up to me and started talking directly to me.

He started with "I don't mean to be presumptuous but..."

Me: Oh shit, here we go. First confrontation and it's in front of my son as we are just enjoying lunch

Him: I don't mean to be presumptuous but I noticed your family is unconventional; my family is also unconventional (He is FtM and his wife is MtF; assumedly). I just wanted to say that if you're looking for resources or community in the area, these are for you

*he hands me two business cards. One card has a website with a big list of transgender resources in my area. The other card is for a local Lutheran Church.

Him: if you're looking for a church, these people don't give a sh*t who you are - they preach about accepting all people and loving and supporting your community. Very loving group of people who accept everyone for who they are.

He patted me on the shoulder, wished me and my family a happy rest of our day and gave a genuine smile as he walked away.

I muttered a thank you but was mostly shocked and didn't even catch his name.

Luckily, once my family was finished eating, we ended up catching him and his wife on the way out. We got to talking a bit more.

I told him that I really needed that because my wife and I are desperate to find local queer community. We talked about how difficult the beginning stages are (I'm 5 months since cracking and 6 weeks on HRT) but it gets so much better. He isn't religious (neither am I) but he goes to this church for the community.

I tell him thank you a million times and we exchange names. We end up hugging tightly for a few moments and we were both a little teary.

Final thought. My wife and I looked up the church and it seems their pastor is queer as well and they specifically mention that they are a trans safe place.

I think my wife and I might end up trying them out in the hopes of creating more friendships and a sense of community. We aren't religious (and can't believe we are considering going to church) but are looking for a community that accepts us as we are. Who knows, maybe that's at church? Lol

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[–] Ashyr@sh.itjust.works 75 points 8 months ago (3 children)

Proper Christians will accept you regardless of your beliefs and won't pressure you to change your perspective.

I'm glad you had such a positive interaction and wish you and your family the best.

[–] princessnorah@lemmy.blahaj.zone 16 points 8 months ago

100% this. I was raised a Catholic and picked up a fair bit of trauma from that. I don’t consider myself religious at all these days, but a couple years ago I went to mass at a progressive, queer-inclusive church. It was a really healing experience to see someone preaching what christianity is really about.

[–] Organichedgehog@lemmy.world 12 points 8 months ago (1 children)

It's sad that it's so shocking to hear about Christians that practice what they preach instead of hating while preaching acceptance.

[–] Ashyr@sh.itjust.works 1 points 8 months ago

Sad but true.

[–] Aurora_TheFirstLight@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 8 months ago

This reform the Lutheran's preached for they really did make it work it's amazing they have such an inclusive community

[–] nadiaraven@lemmy.world 27 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I have also found acceptance in a Unitarian church and a united church of Christ. I'm not a christian at all, but it was really nice when I had those communities

[–] cowboycrustation@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 points 8 months ago (3 children)

I've always wanted to visit a Unitarian church. They seem so cool. They're somewhat rare, though.

I'm very very curious about your experience with United Church of Christ. My only experience is with the run-of-the mill Church of Christ people with their odd, repressive rules, speaking in tongues, and general bigotry. I'm assuming the two differ significantly, but how exactly?

[–] axsyse@lemmy.sdf.org 4 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

Just gotta say: as someone who grew up going to a Unitarian Universalist fellowship, "cool" is just such an understatement. I stopped going as a teen, but they're an incredibly warm, open, and accepting bunch. I hope you'll end up near a UU fellowship sometime. They're such a great (albeit quirky at times) group of people.

For anyone who doesn't know about UUs: It's kinda a weird decentralized meta-religion whose whole thing is basically just accepting that we all have different experiences in life. Their idea of "religious education"/Sunday school is more or less "here's what a handful of major world religions believe, now go find what works for you and make sure to respect what works for others too". You'll find monotheists, polytheists, and atheists under one roof. I know it sounds like that would work, but it works surprisingly well. It isn't about what you believe, so much as how you go about it.

[–] nadiaraven@lemmy.world 1 points 8 months ago (1 children)

100 percent different. Although each congregation is different, generally the United Church of Christ (UCC) is super liberal, accepts queer people, does not believe in biblical inerrancy, and has a focus on social justice. It is absolutely not associated with Churches of Christ. UCC was formed when the Evangelical Reformed Church merged with the Congregational Christian Churches.

[–] cowboycrustation@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 8 months ago

Interesting. It's unfortunate they have similar names.

[–] cowboycrustation@lemmy.blahaj.zone 23 points 8 months ago

You had me in the first half, not gonna lie.

That's such a sweet interaction. Us trans people can definitely sniff out our own much better than cis people can. He was so sweet to hand you all those resources. We need more people like him in the world.

I definitely recommend visiting the church. Churches are one of the best ways to find tight knit community who will help you in your time of need in most red states (ESPECIALLY rural areas or small-ish towns). It's also a good place to help other people through church ministries such as clothes closets, soup kitchens, crowdfunding for someone in need, etc. An openly queer church is a MAJOR bonus.

I'm not a Christian at all and likely will never be, but I still go to church because it is a very good hub for community and I live in a rural area. My main thing is singing in the choir and I mostly tune out the sermons, haha. My church isn't like accepting accepting, they don't go out of their way to help queer people specifically or talk about it much at all, but there's not much judgement around it either. I still feel really lucky that I found a church like that, though. Point is you are VERY lucky to have a church like that near you and I heavily encourage you to try it out. Lutherans generally have a good reputation for progressive theology and activism. I'm very excited for you!

[–] zbyte64@lemmy.blahaj.zone 21 points 8 months ago

That's awesome! If you're worried about the religiosity then you might be surprised. My pastor will often say "we welcome both your beliefs and disbeliefs" and that is how I knew my atheist heart had found a home.

[–] Cris_Color@lemmy.world 12 points 8 months ago

Fuckin over the moon happy for you 😊

Try going to the church! Even if you decide it's not for you, it'll put you in touch with lots of other people and give you an opportunity to find spaces that can be more your thing though those people :)

[–] z00s@lemmy.world 10 points 8 months ago

Glad to hear it :) Good churches are often about more than just the religion, and foster a sense of community.

[–] okasen 6 points 8 months ago

Dang, I’m not religious, but I think you met Jesus

[–] fadingembers@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 8 months ago

That's amazing!

[–] dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 7 months ago

I'm also in a deep red state, but in a small-to-medium sized city. I'm so glad you found a community, that can be really important. You might also see if there are any LGBTQ+ Pride organizations where you live, I found a support group for trans folks through the local pride org.