Now that's a real shitpost!
this post was submitted on 21 Mar 2024
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Ah a French Press kinda guy
As an IBS sufferer, I know that poop is going to make an appearance, but I love my morning coffee, and that poop gets to be on my terms.
The game is to time lighting your first cigarette with your coffee so you can get a few drags out before the morning bathroom run.
Imagine being a
(sorry needed a quick crack break)
Imagine being a slave to nicotine
I consider myself a voluntary slave
God forbid people enjoy something
Ahaha well you mentioned “first cigarette” in a morning context, which sounds like trying to feel “normal” (as opposed to having after dinner coffee at the same time as your client busts out a Cuban for you or something kinda special).
Also while I joked about crack, I am in fact a paragon of perfection. :)
I'm not a smoker but I used to smoke socially before they banned cigarettes in bars. I can attest that a first-thing-in-the-morning smoke feels so great. Better than a smoke at any other time of the day.
I got a doodoo in my butt and I don't know what to do
You get a paper bag and an address
Then just kick back and let the dollars roll in
I often think of that lyric "as the coffee commands the torture of my bowels..."
Can't remember the artist presently, but it's a lovely song, strangely.
edit it's shearwater - ambiguity
It’s batman!
Shatman
Skatman
I'm having my first post-coffee poop of the day right now!