The Onion

Snippet:

CALGARY – Local man Peter Johnson claims he was rejected from a job he applied for because he has a dick, when sources confirm that he is, in fact, simply a dick.

“They’re discriminating against me for being a man,” says complainant Peter Johnson, high-fiving several cops as he walked down the street carrying an open beer and cat-calling multiple women. “As we all know, the most discriminated against people on the planet are cishet white men. Google it, but only look at the results from 4chan.”