this post was submitted on 01 Mar 2024
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Not The Onion

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[–] Municipal0379@lemmy.world 47 points 8 months ago (1 children)

As much as I want to believe this is true are there any sources that actually resemble news and not a blog from geocities?

[–] HotDogFingies@kbin.social 7 points 8 months ago

Awww, I miss geocities. I was all over that shit in middle school.

[–] Sanctus@lemmy.world 41 points 8 months ago (1 children)

That was a fun read. A small rejoicing in the ceaseless wheel of horrors.

[–] Jimmyeatsausage@lemmy.world 14 points 8 months ago

I'm going to actively work "Amateurminding" into my lexicon

[–] reddig33@lemmy.world 20 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I look forward to Fox “news” clutching their pearls and expressing faux outrage about this column.

[–] gregorum@lemm.ee 29 points 8 months ago (3 children)

Are you kidding? As far as they are concerned, this never ever happened. It’ll fall into the black hole of, “BREAKING NEWS: ERMERGERD GAY TRANS ALLIGATOR VOLCANOES ERUPT IN ORLANDO SAME-SEX BATHROOM MARRIAGES!!!”

[–] Drivebyhaiku@lemmy.world 15 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Welp, the mental image of a localized volcano erupting queer lava alligators into same sex marriage ceremony being held in a bathroom is gunna stick with me awhile.

Like... were they even invited? Were they booked as entertainment for the reception? Are they single? So many questions!

[–] gregorum@lemm.ee 6 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I wish I could give you an award for finding the silver lining in that

[–] Drivebyhaiku@lemmy.world 4 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I mean just think of how fun it could be! Gay trans lavatory lava gators!

Maybe they take bookings...

[–] gregorum@lemm.ee 1 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

I lived in New York for the last 26 years, I’ve just spent the last six months in Florida. I am obviously trying to make the best of my situation. May atheist God have mercy on my rainbow soul.

I’m also very drunk and high right now, so give me a m break. I’m in the middle of a Downton Abbey binge. And a bottle of Jim Beam. A big bottle. In several types of pharmaceutical weed. At least that’s kind of legal here.

[–] Drivebyhaiku@lemmy.world 5 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

Oof... Sounds rough. Florida sounds like hell to my delicate West Coast gay trans Canadian sensibilities. Weed do be legal here and I recommend a visit at some point as supposedly we got some fantastic bud.

Also Downton Abbey is fantastic. Maggie Smith is a vampire I swear but whatever blood she sups is worth it for her character acting. Seriously... She doesn't age.

[–] gregorum@lemm.ee 2 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

For what it’s worth, I’m doing literally everything I can to get back to New York as soon as possible. I’m very grateful that at least medical weed is legal here, and, for what it’s worth, the pharmaceutical weed is at least pharmaceutical grade. And I have a private media server that’s Chuck full of all of the private media I need.

But I got to get the fuck out of the state. I grew up here when I was a kid, and it’s only gotten worse. It’s just as bad as we’ve all heard, and I need to get the fuck out of here.

I will say that, also, for what it’s worth, Orlando seems to be kind of a safe Haven, but only as safe as anywhere in Florida could be. Being queer here isn’t terrible, but I’d advise anyone else who is also here to get the fuck out while they can. There been Nazis here.

[–] Drivebyhaiku@lemmy.world 4 points 8 months ago

Yeah, just traveling the States is a scary prospect for Canadians without going to the mecca of the emerging American Nazi movement. Even nearby Seattle seems uptight and queerphobic by the local standard.

I am hoping we remain a stronghold of queer culture and left wing sensibilities. We are fighting on our own soil and the looming election is looking kind of Conservative centric. Our Prairie provinces like to import their phobia fodder directly from the states these days.

[–] vivavideri@lemmy.world 4 points 8 months ago

The party of a LIFETIME 🌈🏳️‍⚧️🐊👽🌋🔥🔥🔥✨🎉🎶👯🧑‍🤝‍🧑👭👬🌹

[–] Teon@kbin.social 2 points 8 months ago

I remember that movie. The ending was so romantic.

[–] DogPeePoo@lemm.ee 17 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Time to tighten the belt by putting down the pee-pee tapes and hamberder toast

He can also save $ by making covfefe at home

[–] PilferJynx@lemmy.world 12 points 8 months ago (1 children)

He could easily pay off his debts if only he could quit avocado toast.

[–] redbr64@lemmy.world 5 points 8 months ago

Ah yes, the true root cause of all financial insecurity among Americans: smearing some fruit paste on toast!

[–] TheBat@lemmy.world 14 points 8 months ago

That appeals court just rejected that offer and demanded that Trump, for the first time in his life, pay the full tab. This bill comes due after another New York court ordered Trump to pay writer E. Jean Carroll another $83.3 MILLION for defaming her after she accused him of sexually assaulting her in a department store in 1996. In 2019, Trump denied Carroll’s accusation in characteristic Trump fashion, by crowing that she was “totally lying.” Well, the jury in that case found that to be, like, totally defamatory, because Trump knew what he was saying was false (and that what Carroll had said was true).

Trump is also in deep doo-doo with both the Georgia district attorney and the Department of Justice after pressuring state officials to “find” him votes in 2020 and then amateurminding the Jan. 6 assault on the Capitol. Oh, and Trump’s Republican Party currently only has $8.7 million on hand.

[–] corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca 11 points 8 months ago

I can only read this in the kind of voice that doesn't actually use punctuation.

[–] PrunesMakeYouPoop@kbin.social 9 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

Maybe he shouldn't have spent so much money on avocado toast and fancy covfefe.

[–] ARk@lemm.ee 6 points 8 months ago (1 children)
[–] can@sh.itjust.works 7 points 8 months ago

hahahahaha
hahaha

ha

[–] Teon@kbin.social 5 points 8 months ago

Lots of truth in that piece.

Reminder: He lost a fucking casino! He's stupid and poor.