Firecracker is the nearest thing to a red rocket, so

Firecracker and it's not even close. I've put ice cubes up there before and it wasn't nearly as bad as you'd imagine. The shape of it will make it easy. Plus, the ridges on it mean you'll have less ice in contact with your skin. At some point it melts and it's just a Popsicle stick.

Edit: Additional thoughts on this because I can't stop thinking about how goofy this is lol. I've cream sandwich and to a lesser degree the chipwich are tempting. The difficulty would be that they just crumble and don't really go in, but you have to shove it in. I'm counting melted ice cream/ice that comes out after it's in as not needing to be reinserted. I've cream sandwich "crust" is actually very soft so it wouldn't be bad to have in there. It's just the process of getting it in would be very weirdly difficult.

Many of the other choices (like the snow cone thing and push pop) have a lot of plastic parts that make it basically impossible.

The drumstick may seem tempting but it's just gonna crack and hurt.

Once the popsicle stick of the firecracker is in, you just softly pull it out. The biggest risk is splinters, but I don't think popsicle sticks in popsicles ever really have splinters like the loose ones you can buy for projects.

Why did they write "to" as 2, but then the actual number 1 as "one"?

What you're not even gonna give me the sponge Bob as a choice??

In Germany we have an ice cram called Flutsch Finger for exactly that purpose.

Not including a Golden Gaytime in these options is a real missed opportunity...

Firecracker would be the least cumbersome. But I always wondered what it would be like to be penetrated by a taco, instead of the other way around.

Firecracker for ease, Tweety to please.

Firecracker.

Aerodynamic.

In you go tweety bird

I've seen enough EMT Tiktok to know that I need a flared base.

So I'ma have to go with screwball but upside down

Push pop sounds made for the job

Asked my girlfriend for a second opinion, she said Screwball backwards and she's right, damn it.

Truly a (reverse?) shitpost.

Now this is shitposting

...can I take more than one?

Anyone who doesn't choose a Creamsicle is not getting the full experience of something up your ass

Probably the firecracker

11, horizontally. I'm gonna put the "choco" in "choco taco"

Snowcone because it melts faster and will moisen the paper making it easier to remove.

Wait is this like a retrospective or more aspirational?

No contest, push pop has a user friendly applicator

Strawberry eclair so it blends in.

You can’t stop me from shoving them all up there.

Tweety's gonna go spelunking.

Chocolate Eclair. Nice texture. Really scrapes the sides clean.

I've been talking about Choco Tacos all week. What the fuck do I have to do to get one? This implies they are still around for me to be able to shove one up my ass. Is that what I have to do? I'll fucking do it at this point

Your mom's fist isn't on the list... So, none of the above.

Push pop, backwards.

I only like room temperature objects in my ass. I will have to pass.

Choco tacos for the classy evenings

king cone, backwards.

Nothing with chocolate

I'm gonna need some clarifications here. Does the stick/cone/tube go for the ride? How far up the ass does it need to go? Is this a proper insertion or a wedding-cake photo-op mushing situation? If it's insertion, can the ice cream be modified to fit the butthole, or must the butthole adapt to the ice cream? There's a lot of moving parts and complex interplay going on.

Wow I forgot all about screwballs! Those used to be my favorite as a kid I wonder if I can still get them

Anyone that says anything other than Choco Taco is a coward.