this post was submitted on 28 Oct 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] TheShadowKnows@lemmy.world 5 points 6 hours ago

Women: asks you to critically investigate their body.

OP: chose to not to take the hint.

[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 4 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

For anyone scrolling far enough to read this, all of the correct answers for this, follow the same formula. Statement about how you cannot tell leading into a compliment about their looks.

This can be reversed, complimenting they're looks, and lead into that it is impossible to tell.

Unless she looks like the wicked witch of the west, like one girl I knew. She had surgery at some point, and I only knew her after that happened. I am not exaggerating with that reference.

Bluntly, I couldn't have cared less. Things didn't work out for completely unrelated reasons.

[–] Zozano@lemy.lol 0 points 5 hours ago
[–] pinkystew@reddthat.com 4 points 7 hours ago

I wasn't going to say anything. but you asked. yeah Jessica. it looks like you got dragged behind a 4 wheeler for a mile and the EMT's shoved a fucking saddle horn into your skull to stop the bleeding.

[–] Clinicallydepressedpoochie@lemmy.world 3 points 6 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago)

Laura Loomer: Can you guess?

Loomer: Jk all of them.

[–] Monument@lemmy.sdf.org 9 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago)

(I have another response.)
Lean away, give her a long look, and gaze deep into her eyes. Tilt your head slightly to the side.

“…. dad?”

In the stunned silence, because she never expected you to be right, tell her that you didn’t think you would see her again after she disappeared on her way to get cigarettes all those years ago.

And then put your hand on her thigh and say “I’ve missed you daddy” with wide eyes.

Gets ‘em every time.

[–] Honytawk@lemmy.zip 17 points 18 hours ago

"Did they do work on your face to make you less cute? Because I think they botched it."

[–] assassinatedbyCIA@lemmy.world 9 points 18 hours ago

“You had a concerning mole removed from your thigh”

[–] nutsack@lemmy.world 5 points 17 hours ago

I want to get whatever Jeff bezos had done so that my face looks like it's going to explode when I talk

[–] JackbyDev@programming.dev 41 points 1 day ago

"It looks perfect! That's why I thought you had work done!"

[–] driving_crooner@lemmy.eco.br 25 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

"Your boobs?"
"My boobs?!"
"Yeah, they look greeeeeeeat" *deliver as Tony the Tiger*

[–] Kongpiler@lemm.ee 2 points 7 hours ago

That has to be what she was fishing for.

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 22 points 1 day ago (2 children)

"Honestly? You look so naturally beautiful I couldn't begin to guess. But if I had to, I'd say your most captivating thing about you is your eyes. Are they the real deal or someone fashion them from starlight?"

[–] Iheartcheese@lemmy.world 23 points 1 day ago

You should write for Hallmark movies.

idk i'm just going to pull the "dont know don't care, card." lol

I don't care that you used to be a dude, but I must say, the surgeon did an amazing job.

[–] scutiger@lemmy.world 17 points 1 day ago

"The left one?"

[–] Rolando@lemmy.world 31 points 1 day ago (4 children)

"They must have clipped off your wings, because you look like an angel."

[–] B312@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago

Since when was Anakin Skywalker on lemmy?

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 13 points 1 day ago

Did it hurt, when they clipped your wings and you took 1000d6 falling damage, m'lady?

[–] ByteOnBikes 20 points 1 day ago (5 children)

"Or like some sort of succubus devil thing, I dunno."

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[–] Monument@lemmy.sdf.org 24 points 1 day ago

“Oooh, I don’t know. Maaaaybeee your lips, because I can’t stop looking at them. But if you did, then your doctor is really good.

Deliver it light and kind of flirty and she’s not thinking about whatever trap that question is, she’s thinking about how you just told her you want to kiss her.

If it’s for any other reason - making sure an insecurity is unknown, wanting to springboard into a conversation, wanting to see how you react if she baits you into saying something dumb, or even having her own flirty line to deliver about it - she’ll probably get to it. Assuming you haven’t wooed her into a voracious make out session.

[–] No_Money_Just_Change@feddit.org 64 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (3 children)

Do the following:
First, say something along the lines of: "That is very difficult. On the one hand, you are so astonishingly beautiful that all features of you could be made by a master craftsman. On the other hand, as I am a person of faith, you could also be just God's most perfect creation.
Either way, would you excuse me a second while I go to refresh in the bathroom?"

Then you sneak out of the bathroom window because by the glorious lord Satan himself, you do not want to be in a relationship with someone who insists you do something after you refuse

"that is very difficult, one the one hand you are so astonishingly beautiful that all features of you could be made by a master craftsmanship, on the other hand, as I am a person of faith, you could also be just God's most perfect creation.
Either way, would you excuse me a second while I go to refresh in the bathroom?"

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[–] Thcdenton@lemmy.world 171 points 1 day ago (2 children)

My autistic ass would be like "Nope no clue sorry, whatever it was, they a good surgeon 👍"

[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 2 points 6 hours ago

ADHD here, after years of studying behavior from normies in order to emulate/mask, this is easily one of the best answers here.

Sometimes brutal honesty is the answer.

[–] ahornsirup@feddit.org 71 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Neurotypical here - that's the correct response.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 30 points 1 day ago (2 children)

ADHD here, it’s one of two. The other is to guess bottom surgery/sex reassignment to teach her what sort of prizes she can expect from playing stupid games. Yeah you’re burning that bridge, but that’s a bridge worth burning

[–] sukhmel@programming.dev 1 points 6 hours ago

I'm with you, I'd joke about circumcision (and maybe ran away 🥲)

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[–] Nurse_Robot@lemmy.world 215 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Tell her that her nose looks too perfect, problem solved

[–] Goldmage263@sh.itjust.works 112 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Exactly. They fumbled hard. "It has to be your ____, there's no way it turned out that good naturally."

[–] _lilith@lemmy.world 135 points 1 day ago (1 children)

"Your nose is your cutest feature, that's why I chose it" is the correct response

[–] Klear@lemmy.world 107 points 1 day ago (1 children)

"Not like those ugly-ass ears. They really screwed those up, huh?"

[–] normanwall@lemmy.world 33 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Did you fall from heaven? Because your face is really fucked up.

(this one is so stupid and obviously inappropriate that I laugh each time I imagine someone saying it)

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[–] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 41 points 1 day ago (6 children)

she clearly wants you to compliment her natural features, play along citizen.

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