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I'm a trans guy working as a professional software eng, and yeah, I'm stealth.
I'm sorry I (and presumably many others) don't act as real life representation save for these online spaces! I promise you we are out there, and being trans doesn't have to be a barrier.
I don't think I'd be in hot water if I came out or anything either; I just work at a company that is largely older and conservative so I'm just personally being extra cautious in not wanting to add any unnecessary social tension.
If I can ask, how did you navigate job history prior to transitioning in interviews? Were you simply not asked about deadnames or anything? Or were you lucky enough to transition before you had job history?
I admit, I'd love to transition and go stealth, I just don't know how I'd START somewhere stealth if my prior history might out me...
I changed my name legally while I was at uni, so yeah, it was my first proper job. I started HRT a couple of years into the job without anyone knowing; I was just the friendly neighbourhood young looking lad at that point.
Re the interview question, do you mean when they ask you for references? Otherwise, I don't see why your dead name would be relevant at all. (Unless there's some country/region-specific paperwork you have to deal with that I'm not aware of.)
If you're worried about your references outing you, is there any chance you could reach out to your previous employer(s) and let them know about your name/gender correction so that if a new employer calls, they're all clued up? Is that safe for you to do?
Note: I'm writing from an American perspective - sorry if this doesn't apply to your situation.
I know this is literally a 3 month old post but: I'm a transman programmer. I'm still at the job I initially came out at, and things are great - everyone uses my correct name and pronouns. It's been two years since I came out at work and I've been here seven years. Higher Ed seems to be a very good place for transpeople right now, particularly private sector higher ed. Public higher ed can be dicey depending on your state - there's talks of banning transpeople from working with children in my state, but that would only apply to public.
The other posters already covered a lot of reasons you might not see a lot of visible FTM men in tech, but an additional one is that our...uh...background tends to push people like us away from tech. At least in the US, there's still a major gender gap in how science and especially tech are taught. I was lucky to get into a lot of girl exclusive science camps, which helped prepare me for being the only "girl" in non-gender-specific camps. I was the only person of my gender to attend the robotics camp that launched my love of programming for the 6 years I attended, and once I hit college, there were only two girls (including me) in my entire computer science program. Then you figure that a small percentage of AFAB people end up being transmen, and we end up being a minority of a minority.
Additionally, anecdotally, at least in my area, FTM individuals tend to be poorer and/or from poorer families than MTF individuals. That can lead to a big gap in professionals, because it can take a lot of money, sanity and support to get started.
I don't think any of those are reasons to be scared of going into tech - it's not like it's an awful death trap and that's why everyone avoids it. It's just a leftover product of societal norms that are slowly changing.
This is anecdotal, but I strongly suspect in retrospect that I worked with a stealth trans guy in software many, many years ago. (like, 2008 or so.) This was before trans issues got in the limelight, and during a period where medical gatekeeping kept me from revisiting being trans because my support to do so was poor. But hormones and surgery were available to other people with more supportive living situations, and I think it's possible he might have had the ability to access care to fully transition to stealth before I met him.
He started in customer support, which is rather stereotypically female, but ended up years later in software development.
(By the way, I do NOT recommend that route. It's too damn easy to stay in support forever.)
So I think it is true to some extent that trans guys absolutely go stealth if they can. Not everyone is cut out to be an activist, some just want their lives to settle down and stealth helps bring the calm.
What the other person said about programmer being a very skill-driven field is true. What you want to do to get into the field is work on personal coding projects, the more ambitious the better (like don't do a tiny Javascript thingie and call it quits, keep tackling interesting projects so you can learn), so long as you are confident you can sit down and explain what you did and why. (If your relationship with your dad is good, talk to your dad about what they look for in new hires, chances are he's sat in on interviews of new programmers before and can put you through mock interviews and give you guidance.)
In a way, programming is like art and music. If you have a good portfolio or demo tape, it'll be respected. If you can actually code, if you can do what you say you can do, it'll be respected. But you really need to be able to walk people line-by-line through code and not spout buzzwords. A HR person might not be able to spot buzzwords but other programmers can and you'll faceplant if you can't actually code after you get into an interview.
I have a problem where I can actually sit down and do stuff, but my mind doesn't hang onto details (since I keep notes or look things up as I go) so I sound less capable in interviews than I am. If you're serious about going into programming, become a nerd and really learn your shit. If you can demonstrate competence better than I can, then you'll get your foot in the door--especially if there's ANYTHING your dad can teach you or show you. (Again, if your relationship with your dad is good--just straight up see if you can apprentice yourself to him. If you can, you'll be able to both strengthen your bond with your dad if he likes showing things off to someone, and you'll have a HUGE leg up over guys who don't have a personal tutor and mentor to run things by.)
I’m cis so I obviously have never had to contend with whether my field of interest represents me but, the way I see it, part of the reason you see the “trans girl software engineer” meme is that software engineering is one of those fields where for the most part, if you have the skills and you produce good work, then you belong. I think if you want to be a software engineer, you should go for it, and don’t let a perceived lack of representation put you off of it. <3
Keep in mind plenty of people struggle to get the jobs they want, regardless of gender identity, sexuality, etc.
I felt completely stuck in my job and returned to school to do CS and now work as a software engineer. It’s never too late, I was in my 30s. If you choose to pursue it do it for the right reasons. Sit down and start to learn a bit of code if you don’t already know how to do some basic stuff. It’s not for everyone that’s for sure. If you have any questions about school as an adult I would be happy to answer. The other poster who said “it’s more about producing good work” is exactly right. good luck