There's a saying that kinda goes like this:
Never ascribe to malice that which can be reasonably ascribed to idiocy.
i.e. most likely they're not evil, just stupid .
this post was submitted on 13 Aug 2023
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I used to listen to JRE when it was just about wacky coast-to-coast-am type stuff, comedians, drugs, and mma. One of the lingering quotes that stick in my mind is Joe talking about how when someone is being an idiot or antagonistic, he imagines them as a little baby. How they used to be a blank slate of potential and now there's a long story leading up to this encounter. It apparently helped him calm down and try to be level headed.
What he was talking about is essentially sonder, "The profound feeling of realizing that everyone, including strangers passing in the street, has a life as complex as one's own, which they are constantly living despite one's personal lack of awareness of it."
Anyway, JRE is total garbage now and has been for years and years
Just FYI, you don't have to forgive idiots.
I had a better relationship with forgiveness when I started thinking about it being for my benefit.
Being angry at or hating someone is hard, takes mental energy, and is stressful. Letting that go can be a huge relief.
...and there is no reason to forgive someone if doing so would be self-destructive or potentially harmful to you in other ways.
I agree that anger takes energy, but I'm a fan of equanimity without the need for forgiveness.
It is better to forgive and move on than continue to suffer under fools.
that said:
There are plenty of healthy ways to move on without forgiving people.
I had to do this recently with one of my sisters.
She's so self-centered to the point where I just can't stand her, and she keeps crossing boundaries that I have repeatedly set.
Turns out, my mother begrudgingly admitted "She's not malicious, she's just mind-numbingly stupid." I observed quietly for some time, and.... yeah. She's just stupid. That's the only way I can't be mad at her, so that's what is keeping the peace between us.
This deserves to be on a fortune cookie.
Sometimes you have to realize it's not worth getting pissed off and ruining your own day by engaging with them when you had no chance of neither convincing them nor learning from them to begin with.
I find it hard to hold grudges personally.
Never forgive. Forgiveness was invented by religious clergy who wanted us to forgive them for their crimes. Rather convenient.
As a hardened atheist, I have to give it to the christians when they get something right, and forgiveness can be a powerful force for good.
Don't forget, but do forgive.