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I Am Not Always Very Attached To Being Alive: Living With Passive Suicidal Ideation
(theoutline.com)
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I fear that I'm on this path. Like I don't want to die, I just often find myself thinking how much of a pain in the ass it is to be alive. Right now, if I didn't have children I'd be in a different place; the fact that I have others relying on me is enough to make me care. But I fear that once they are on their own, I won't feel much reason to stick around. I'm actively working on mental health but I can't shake this apathy in the deep down of my brain.
My kids are definitely the main reason I’m still around. There’s a meme that ties things to “mom will be sad” but I don’t really like my parents. My sister would get over it, so would my friends.