i'm pushing 40 and have only recently been given an informal diagnosis (seeking out a formal diagnosis currently) from my therapist of ADHD, so it's all new to me and changing the way i look at my behaviors and patterns. i've been thinking about this distinction between executive dysfunction and depression quite a bit lately and wanted to bring it to other folks who have a better grasp on how their ADHD impacts them and see if this resonates or if i'm maybe not hitting the mark.
i have two different things that i've always identified as 'depression', one that includes the sads, and one that doesn't but has the same low energy and inability to get anything done without external pressure to move me forward. the impact is very, very similar, but the feeling is very different. with the one that includes being sad, it's that sadness that's the driving force behind my inability to move. for the one that doesn't, it's just.... i don't know how to describe it, it's just an inability to get myself to take action.
i'm in the middle of an episode of the second one now. i find myself listless, bored but can't get myself to do anything about it, hungry but nothing sounds good when i think about the steps it takes to get it, and it's when my memory is the worst and i most often find myself misplacing things, unable to focus, or doing that thing that Hal does in that one Malcom in the Middle cold open when he goes to replace a lightbulb but is working on the car when Lois gets home. this doesn't feel like a good description, but that's how i feel about literally everything i do or talk about when i'm feeling like this, so i hope it's coming across ok.
does this sound like there's a differentiation between the two to ya'll? anyone feel similarly?
It could be depression. It also sounds like the very common experience in ADHD I've heard of where your brain just doesn't have enough dopamine to do anything. So you might try to get yourself to do stuff, but you literally can't get yourself to do what you'd like (even though you feel like you should be able to). You might even just stare at a wall and get mad at yourself for not moving. Maybe this video might have some tips?
But I mean, it's also possible to have comorbid depression with ADHD. There are a lot of places they can overlap (low motivation, low energy). Outside of medication, you might just need to find ways that work for you and help you to feel motivated or even just happy and accepting of where you're at. It's okay to have off days too, I hope you know. People with ADHD have a lot of shame so it's important to make sure that you aren't struggling with that on top of the lack of motivation. To learn to be easier on yourself. And to learn about ways that the rest of society may have not properly taught you how to handle the unique struggles you deal with (so you can stop pressuring yourself to accomplish or act to neurotypical standards).