Dads Only

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This is a Lemmy group for Dads Only. A place for Dads to post about their lives, wives & kids. All are welcome but you must respect the rules.

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DonnieNarco@lemmy.world

my wife is pregnant and all I feel is worried (lemmy.world)

submitted 5 months ago by philthi@lemmy.world to c/dadsonly@lemmy.world

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Hello dads,

I'll be a dad myself shortly, and it's entirely planned, we discussed the idea and then worked towards making it happen. My wife is over the moon and loving the whole process and I'm struggling to see it as a positive change. All I'm seeing is more bills and tasks.

I want to be excited and enthusiastic during the pregnancy (and of course afterwards) but I'm struggling to see this as a positive change for our next - at least - 5 years.

It's causing some stress between my wife and I, when really I'd much prefer we were bonding now in preparation for the stress our relationship is going to need to endure after the baby arrives.

I guess this is partly just venting, I feel like anyone I know that I might say this to, would think I'm a bad person considering it was entirely planned and now I'm not feeling it after its too late to undo, but if anyone has some ideas on how I can focus more on the positives (I do see them... watching their personality growing, seeing the world from their fresh perspective, a sense of investment in the future, etc. I just struggle to focus on them) of this and less on the incoming bills and sleepless night and relationship stress, so my wife and I can bond, it'd mean a lot to me.

I'm also concerned that I'm seeing the baby as a problem instead of a... Source of joy? and that this might mean I don't really have a natural parental instinct, so I won't love it like I should, but instead see it as a series of chores and costs and problems.

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[–] natecox@programming.dev 6 points 5 months ago

Babies are a great source of stress and responsibility, it’s natural to feel some pressure. You’re not a bad person for doing what dads are prone to doing: looking for a problem so you can solve it.

However, you need to set all that aside. Your job right now is to chill out and be supportive. What will be will be, the challenges ahead won’t be easier to tackle by stressing your wife out and straining your relationship. The practical response to what you’re feeling is to let it go and just be along for the ride for a while.

All that aside, having a baby may come with extra challenges but it also comes with tremendous benefits. Dads lose out on all the good pregnancy hormones and emotions and it’s hard to see the baby as real until it’s in your hands; but the moment that happens your life changes for the better in so many ways.

It is impossible to describe the moment when you hold your first child for the first time but it is a life changing experience.