Off My Chest
RULES:
I am looking for mods!
1. The "good" part of our community means we are pro-empathy and anti-harassment. However, we don't intend to make this a "safe space" where everyone has to be a saint. Sh*t happens, and life is messy. That's why we get things off our chests.
2. Bigotry is not allowed. That includes racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, and religiophobia. (If you want to vent about religion, that's fine; but religion is not inherently evil.)
3. Frustrated, venting, or angry posts are still welcome.
4. Posts and comments that bait, threaten, or incite harassment are not allowed.
5. If anyone offers mental, medical, or professional advice here, please remember to take it with a grain of salt. Seek out real professionals if needed.
6. Please put NSFW behind NSFW tags.
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Have you ever sat down with a mental health professional and talked through your frustrations? Not that it's a cure-all, plenty of people have mental health services and all struggle.
I have severe ADHD undiagnosed into my mid 30's. I completely failed out of every school I had ever been to, but was extremely good at retaining the information and testing. While having an effective GPA of close to 0, I scored in the top 5% of standardized testing, including receiving scores on an optional set of exams that my state put on (Golden State exams) which put me in the top 5% of takers in my school and would have earned me a special seal on the diploma I didn't earn.
The world outside of school was much kinder and I am fairly successful despite having these issues which are only now getting addressed in my 40s.
You seem to have both these issues with expectation not being met, and a lot of people are engaging with you and having a hard time identifying with your very real set of circumstances.
That doesn't mean your issues aren't valid, they clearly are and are clearly a burden on your life, but is the problem you are having more how you relate to the world, not how the world is relating to you.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with you, you appear to be intelligent and effective at what you do, but a lot of these systems weren't designed for people who are neurodivergent, period.
All of this has happened because I was diagnosed with a "learning disability", or "classified" and stuck in a corner. I'm sure if it were to happen today, I would be diagnosed with whatever the child study team member's favor diagnose is. The reality is that I was just shy, but they took being a late speaker as have mental issues. Christ, if I was born to an earlier generation, I probably would have gotten an ice pick to the eye. Did you know they were doing electro shock into the 90's? Shit scared me senseless growing up. Say something just a little off, and they will fuck you up for life.
No, but I did have many negative encounters with diagnoses happy guidance department. One of the instances that's burned into my memory was requesting a more difficult class the first week into the new year. I was told to consider it for a week and come back. When I came back the next week, I was told the window for adjusting classes had passed.
The type of people who failed you back then, they failed me too. I'm talking about now, finding someone you can try to trust and talk to. You don't really have to worry about getting electro shock therapy now a days. You might find that your early, traumatic experiences with school and the system have given you scars you aren't entirely dealing with, and are being made worse by your current experiences.
If might even be easier to navigate how archaic and un-intuitive the system is once you've had more of a chance to deal with them.
You definitely aren't alone having had a bad experience with school, I'm sorry you are continuing to have problems when all you seem to want to do is learn.