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Is any body able to provide some advice to help my friend through a bad patch? (discuss.tchncs.de)

submitted 6 months ago by dependencyinjection@discuss.tchncs.de to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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So I’m a bit of a degenerate but making better choices lately and sort of getting things on track.

My friend had some health issues and had to stop working, my other friend now does all the labour, and he just runs the business.

He then split with his partner who he has children, as frankly he would never be at home and it was always going to happen.

I just found out the health condition has gotten worse and he will have to lose a leg. He never improved his diet, kept hitting the coke hard and gambling. So recently he has gambled away £35,000 and had a breakdown with another friend.

How do I even be there for him and keep him on a good path, providing he is open to change.

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[–] xmunk@sh.itjust.works 32 points 6 months ago (2 children)

I have no advice to help them, but I'd warn you, as a care giver, to be sure not to let their problems spiral your own life. I've seen several former addicts lapse after trying to rescue their friends - if you're not in a stable place it's important not to let someone destabilize you and just suggest supports that might be able to handle your friend.

Other folks might have more useful advice, but it's important to realize that mental health is a constant struggle and life isn't forever - if your friend has lost a limb they have a very narrow road to walk to recovery and, without proper supports, it's unfortunately a road most people fall off.

[–] dependencyinjection@discuss.tchncs.de 12 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Thank you for responding.

I appreciate your comment and you’ve hit on a good point in that I don’t think I am in a stable place right now.

I am on the right trajectory, but I am conscious it’s a tentative path and although my addiction was only weed, it’s had a devastating effect on my life and I think you’re spot on that I need to focus on myself, selfish isn’t always bad I guess.

That said I can recruit other friends to be there for this friend.

[–] OpenStars@startrek.website 3 points 6 months ago

I am not the person you replied to but I wanted to echo and extend their statement: you may need to come to terms with the fact that you might not have the capability to help your friend, and it's even possible that nobody does, unless and until they become receptive to that kind of aid.

I am not saying to do nothing, but do be aware of that, e.g. if you give them money and they gamble it away, will you just keep giving them money until neither of you has any at all? And then repeat for every single one of your friends as well?

Decide what you can do and what you cannot. In any case you may not be able to "save" him - that is something that as an adult he needs to do for himself, and may resent you for even trying?