this post was submitted on 23 Apr 2024
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I’m very sorry to hear it.
If dad doesn’t feel up to talking or is unable to interact much, perhaps you might help mum with any practical tasks? Such as cleaning out storage spaces, checking for slip or trip hazards, putting any out of reach items down lower so she doesn’t need to get up on a ladder, paring down non-sentimental belongings, or starting to put away/make decisions about his stuff.
She might have trouble managing after he passes and it might be emotionally easier to do it more gradually, whether you do it together to support each other or you do the practical stuff while she sits with him.
Please ignore this if it comes off as insensitive.
I just thought it might take something difficult off mum’s plate with her health.
Edit: Also you may be able to hire a bedside commode from a mobility aid shop to make his journey easier and reduce the fall risk while going to the bathroom. It might ease mum’s mind a little.
We will definitely be going through stuff to downsize in future. I don't think there will be many decisions about his stuff, most of it is going straight in the dumpster. I think we will all take special joy in finally being able to toss the broken toaster in the shed that he for some reason decided was valuable enough to take when they moved house 🤣 Fortunately the worst of his junk hoard was dealt with before they moved, but he did manage to bring over a surprising amount. Mum mostly has an oversupply of linen.
I have been helping with the cleaning a bit too, she is supposed to have a fortnighly cleaner through aged care every fortnight but they are not very reliable and if the cleaner can't make it for some reason it ends up being a month.
So far Dad has refused to use any sort of mobility aids. He looks incredibly unstable and has already had a couple of falls but unless he's completely physically unable to get there I don't think he'll accept any sort of assistance.