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Steve From “Blue's Clues” Touches Hearts of Millennials by Beating Dan Schneider to Death With His Bare Hands (thehardtimes.net)

submitted 7 months ago by ZeroCool to c/theonion@midwest.social

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[–] Zoop@beehaw.org 37 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

I didn't know it was possible for me to love the Hard Times even more! This is fantastic. I especially love these bits:

At this moment Steve starts singing ‘here’s my fist it never fails, when I swing it really sails, when it strikes I want to wail, dieeeeee!!!’ and then he just starts bashing in Dan’s skull

and

At press time, it was reported that a spotted blue puppy was seen in LA carrying around the decapitated head of convicted pedophile and former Nickelodeon employee Brian Peck.

Fuck, I just love it so much. Beautiful! Thanks for posting this here, ZeroCool!