this post was submitted on 17 Apr 2024
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What the fuck? Who wants to be competing in sex and romance? I mean that's the dating scene and a LOT of people hate that shit. Once you get into a relationship, who still wants to do that? Especially in a polyamory relationship: I thought one of the points of polyamory was that each individual was free to love each member in their own way and there wasn't any real competition and struggle for affection (or as little as possible).
Someone clearly thinks they are going to be at the "top" of their polycule and wants to lord it over people for some pathetic amount of power.
I mean like generally yes but some poly dynamics have (consensual) rules. You might have a triad that’s closed off to other members for example, who would all consider it cheating if any one member had a relationship they kept secret from the other two. It’s not always “free love” all the time like it’s the 60s again.
You also do have hierarchal poly dynamics. People with “primary” partners and such. But it’s not really a competition. I personally don’t vibe with that, but it can be done in a healthy way if everyone is up front about their expectations.
I was poly for years and my ex and I designated each other as primary just to help ensure our priorities matched. We'd seen couples that just "free loved" it and it frequently led to a lot of drama and hurt feelings.
One person "demoted" her fiance to just a side relationship because she was encouraging her boyfriends to be competitive. It was gross. The idea of making love or sexuality a competition is just gross. These people are gross.
I have had times where people treat “non-hierarchical” as “you should immediately consider me equal to your other partners”. When no, trust takes time and effort to grow. In that sense, the partner that I live with does have some level of primacy over my other partners, because I trust her enough to build a home together. However we don’t share a room, we have our own spaces, and we schedule sleepovers just the same as I would with any other partner.
That is indeed ridiculously gross. She completely missed the memo on the “ethical” part of “ethical non-monogamy”. I think I would agonise for weeks if I was thinking about making the decision to no longer live with my nestmate. Months if I was planning on moving straight in with a different partner. I would need to figure out how to communicate that it wasn’t due to any transgressions on their part, that it wasn’t a punishment. That I just, didn’t feel that living together was right for our relationship or either of us as individuals. Especially if the end goal was to continue to be together. I can’t imagine being so careless with someone’s emotions like that.
Yeah. I loved the idea of non hierarchical poly early on, but there’s a resounding practicality in my relationship hierarchy. My wife comes first. We live together and are married, of course she does.
It’s so disgusting to make this a competition when it should just be a cooperative pursuit of happiness
star trek mirror universe?
I have no idea who that woman is or anything about her blog. But if I read that comment alone I would asume it's facetious. It sounds like a joke and not serious. If they were serious then... wow that's fucked up.
She was the one running the actual books for FTX cryptocurrency exchange. All the crimes that Sam Bankman-Fried did, she was the one who made sure they actually happened.
Caroline Ellison was absolutely serious about competitive, ranked sex. There is no metric in which that woman would ever get out of Bronze.
I don't know. Geeky out in the world and absolutely insane in the bedroom... Kinda works for me.
Shit person, yeah. I'm not actually into it, but purely theoretically, it could work.
She was openly into sexism and meritocracy. Kinda stunned because she probably would have blended right into any LARP event until she opened her mouth.
Hmm someone clearly isn’t concerned about THEIR ranking takes out tiny notebook, makes a small adjustment to a number 😜
Sounds like something a Bronze would say. skill issue.
"you know what the problem with polyamory is? not enough jealousy possessiveness or hierarchy. or eugenics."