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The thing you want is "glue records" the upper level server would serve ns1.example.com (this is an approved domain for example use, better to use example.com than making your own example up) as the authoritative name server. Then provide the glue record which says "ns1.example.com is at IP address X".
It should ask for IP addresses as well as hostname. Otherwise they only assumed people will "host" their domain in another hosted, as opposed to self-hosting.
In that case (and in any other case) change your registrar to someone else who supports glue records.
I use porkbun.com for my domains, which is excellent, and also has glue record support.
https://kb.porkbun.com/article/112-how-to-host-your-own-nameservers-with-glue-records
I just switched to porkbun. Saves me about 20EUR per year. Thanks for the tip.
I missed the keyword "glue records". Ultimately I managed to get my dns server to work but decided against using it for now as the acme plugin is not able to do what I want. https://github.com/mariuskimmina/coredns-tlsplus/issues/2
Yeah porkbun is good.
To see how the glue records work, you can run
dig +trace example.com
This answer goes into detail how it works behind the scenes.
https://superuser.com/questions/715632/how-does-dig-trace-actually-work
What do I take if I need more example domains on the second level? Do I use otherexample.com?
RFC 2606 is your friend ;-)
https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/html/rfc2606
Just read it. Awesome. Thanks a lot.