this post was submitted on 09 Apr 2024
420 points (98.4% liked)
Autism
6857 readers
239 users here now
A community for respectful discussion and memes related to autism acceptance. All neurotypes are welcome.
We have created our own instance! Visit Autism Place the following community for more info.
Community:
Values
- Acceptance
- Openness
- Understanding
- Equality
- Reciprocity
- Mutuality
- Love
Rules
- No abusive, derogatory, or offensive post/comments e.g: racism, sexism, religious hatred, homophobia, gatekeeping, trolling.
- Posts must be related to autism, off-topic discussions happen in the matrix chat.
- Your posts must include a text body. It doesn't have to be long, it just needs to be descriptive.
- Do not request donations.
- Be respectful in discussions.
- Do not post misinformation.
- Mark NSFW content accordingly.
- Do not promote Autism Speaks.
- General Lemmy World rules.
Encouraged
- Open acceptance of all autism levels as a respectable neurotype.
- Funny memes.
- Respectful venting.
- Describe posts of pictures/memes using text in the body for our visually impaired users.
- Welcoming and accepting attitudes.
- Questions regarding autism.
- Questions on confusing situations.
- Seeking and sharing support.
- Engagement in our community's values.
- Expressing a difference of opinion without directly insulting another user.
- Please report questionable posts and let the mods deal with it. Chat Room
- We have a chat room! Want to engage in dialogue? Come join us at the community's Matrix Chat.
.
Helpful Resources
- Are you seeking education, support groups, and more? Take a look at our list of helpful resources.
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Part of the social contract is forgiving people so we can all move forward. I don't think you can go back and say something was not ok retrospectively after having said it was ok, without breaking that social contract and going back on your word....but next time you interact with the person you can ask them not to do it again.
There isn't much point in dwelling in the past and relitigating it, just work on making the future better without causing trouble.
Ex: Branda, it's totally cool last time, we all understand, no worries about it. But please don't get drunk at the next party on Saturday, we have to set a good example.
This is frustrating to read because it kinda sounds like, "Just don't be bothered by it, act like everyone expects you to and say the right thing. It's not hard." One reason people on the spectrum dwell on past interactions is precisely because they're trying to work on making the future better without causing trouble -- that's the hard part when social norms or interactions are difficult to wrap your head around.
The trouble with relitigating the past after you said everything is ok, is now people don't know if your ok when you say your ok. You become a "problem" and can get avoided.
By all means, say something isnt ok when it isn't. But if you say something is cool, and we are ok... Then own it. Not because your emotions aren't valid, but because everything is better when people can trust what you say.
"now people don't know if your ok when you say your ok."
Well that's basically the truth right there. I would love if people were considerate of my slow processing and tendency to misspeak, and learned that what I say on the spot might not hold, and maybe they should check in with me later. I didn't lie— but I didn't have all the information settled in my head yet.
I do try to communicate my slow processing when possible, to give context to that. If people avoid me because existing with the brain I have makes me "a problem," good fucking riddance. I don't need more of those people in my life.
Like, give me some time to think about it??? Why can't that be common courtesy???
I think it depends on the thing that was done, whether it harmed someone, and if it harmed you. You wouldn't want to say, "it's cool you hit me and broke my nose" even if you forgive them, and especially if the reason you brushed it off before was out of fear of escalation. In cases of harm, they've already broken the social contract.