this post was submitted on 09 Jul 2023
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Autism

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I don't understand why I can't be blunt. (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by larsthespacepirate@lemmy.world to c/autism@lemmy.world
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lemmy deleted my completely finished post right before posting so let's try this again. I find it so annoying that I have to sugarcoat everything. I feel like I'm coddling people. I understand being polite to strangers, but it's so annoying when my family, who knows I'm autistic, gets upset at my bluntness. I've explained multiple times that I'm not trying to be rude and I'm just trying to communicate in a way that works for me, but it doesn't work. I just don't understand why I have to say "hey, would you mind not letting the dogs tangle? thank you:)" in some high pitched voice when I could just say, "can you not let the dogs tangle?" in a tone that conveys I'm serious. it's so much easier when intentions are simply stated.

edit: I'm having trouble posting comments but thank you for all your responses! it's helping me see things a bit easier, and I definitely have things I can work on now :)

another edit for clarity: my family and I have talked about my communication style. I've tried to find ways to meet them in the middle, as I want a compromise. they've been unsuccessful but I'm continuing to try. I want to be at a point where it's not stressful and exhausting to talk to my family. this was more of just a vent post, as I was feeling really annoyed.

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[–] neonfire@lemmy.world 25 points 1 year ago

and they are not responsible for the feelings of OP. Why should they have to accept OPs way of being blunt when OP won't do the same for them? Being autistic isn't an excuse for being a jerk.

OP talks about feeling like they have to coddle people, and I guarantee they 100% feel the same when talking to OP.

I’m just trying to communicate in a way that works for me

Here's the kicker, you have to communicate in a way that works for people other than yourself when you aren't talking to only yourself. Everyone would like to be blunt all the time, but then we'd argue more and constantly be at each other's throats.

OP should read about diplomacy, especially between countries without similar languages.