this post was submitted on 21 Feb 2024
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The Onion

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"MOSCOW โ€“ Officials from the Kremlin, under the close supervision of Russian President Vladimir Putin, have concluded an autopsy of Alexei Navalny, concluding that the recently-deceased opposition leader spontaneously sentenced himself to 30 years in a remote Siberian gulag before then ingesting his own poison that he brought from home."

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Hundreds have jumped off balconies since Putin took over. It was also known to be the preferred calling card for urban KGB operators when he was working with them.