I'm in my early thirties and adamantly childfree. I'm lucky enough to be in a long-term relationship with someone who brought up her desire to be childfree on more or less our first date. But I am not having too much luck with my friends from childhood and university - they all seem to be wanting kids, and learning of their pregnancies leaves me with a feeling of sadness. I don't hate kids and think no one should have them, and I am happy for them if they truly wanted this, but I also know what them having kids will mean - we are essentially putting our friendship on hiatus, and I still don't know whether waiting 10 years for the kids to be a bit more independent and not requiring as much attention will mean I suddenly have friends again, but somehow I very much doubt it. And I also don't want 10 years without other friends than my girlfriend. She is in very much the same situation, and while we are good at making the best out of not having kids and stressing about having them, we both would want to be able to hang out with good friends once in a while, both common between us, but also some that are exclusive to each of us.
My assumption is that this is quite common - so I am hoping someone would like to share some success stories in turning this situation around. :)
Everyone has a different feeling towards kids and you’re in no way required or in the wrong to not be interested in being around them. And you’re right, it can be one sided, but I have noticed the friends I made an effort with have been far more social (especially once the kids are two or so) than those I didn’t make an effort with.
It might be worth going out of your way and looking for friends who are child-free, and if you can’t find the place or space, maybe be the one to make it.
I’ve friends in my town who are child-free through choice and I have friends nearby who are child-free due to being unable to conceive and not wanting to adopt. I’ve also plenty of LGBTQ+ friends who the vast majority are also child-free and want to stay that way. They’re out there. But it might mean you need to come to terms with letting your oldest friendships fade while you seek out new ones.
It could be as easy as going out and doing the things you enjoying and finding people your age there (or prehaps a little older since if they’re child-free and doing those things, or have kids but still do them, that’ll gel better with you).
Really appreciate the honest and open discussion with you in this thread. I hope you’re able to find your people and to live the life you want for yourself and your partner.