this post was submitted on 04 Feb 2024
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[–] rekabis@lemmy.ca 16 points 7 months ago (6 children)

I have always found this argument to be hilarious in a deeply sexist way.

Why? Because it takes two to tango.

If young women really did find older men repulsive and creepy, why do so many of them date older men? Why do a fair number of them marry older men, especially in this era of unprecedented economic opportunities for women?

The fact is, such attitudes against a very historically normal pairing is shaming two people who are functional adults for their very adult choices and decisions.

Or do you somehow disagree that an 18-yo woman isn’t a “functional adult”? Because I see that attitude of infantilizing and bubble-wrapping women against the consequences of their own choices and decisions as deeply sexist, and a prime example of misogyny.

Meanwhile, men of that exact same age can be forcibly conscripted to fight and die in some foreign oil-war that they never had an opportunity to vote against. How are we adult enough at that age to die without any choice in the matter, but women aren’t adult enough to choose whom to be with?

Gotta love that gender bigotry.

[–] whereisk@lemmy.world 28 points 7 months ago (2 children)

People are probably not functional adults until 23-25. But it's harder to mold a 25yo to die in a war for you than a 18yo.

I do agree with your general point - it takes two to tango. And a lot of the older women complaining have themselves dated across the chasm when they were younger.

It always felt odd to me and still does though - I feel that the larger the gap the more it reveals deeper issues for both sides.

[–] nickwitha_k@lemmy.sdf.org 11 points 7 months ago

But it's harder to mold a 25yo to die in a war for you than a 18yo.

Yup. Between education and maturity, I became a (mostly) pacifist by 25, after fully intending to join up before I started uni.

[–] rekabis@lemmy.ca 11 points 7 months ago (4 children)

What I also find deeply hypocritical is how many of these women treat a gender chasm in the first place:

  • Young woman with older man? That pervert! He’s a pedophile!!
  • Older woman with a young guy? You go, girl! Ride him like a cowgirl!

And yes, that age gap can be identical in both examples.

[–] Misconduct@lemmy.world 13 points 7 months ago (1 children)

And yet plenty of women also shame older women that are preying on much younger men too. That's not making a point it's trying to make an excuse.

[–] rekabis@lemmy.ca 1 points 7 months ago (1 children)

plenty of women also shame older women that are preying on much younger men too

I have never seen that happen in my entire life.

Not. Once.

Not saying it doesn’t happen, but it must only happen behind closed doors - without any public censure whatsoever - in ways that doesn’t happen for older men with younger women.

Older men, in comparison, are very publicly shamed.

[–] Misconduct@lemmy.world 1 points 7 months ago

Well if you've never seen it then it's never happened obviously

[–] nickwitha_k@lemmy.sdf.org 8 points 7 months ago

For me, it's not the age gap so much as maturity gap and, more importantly, the power differential. When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I didn't have my shit together in any way nor did I have a good level of maturity and self-confidence.

The power differential between one in their 40s or 50s (hell, even 30s) and late-teens/early-twenties means that healthy relationships are the exception, not the norm.

[–] AquaTofana@lemmy.world 5 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Bro have you seen how much Larsa Pippen has been (rightfully imo) dragged in the Bravo community for dating Marcus Jordan?!

That shit ain't cute in either direction!

[–] rekabis@lemmy.ca 1 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

Larsa Pippen

Who?

Bravo community

What’s that? Some sort of spanking-new social media platform? Certainly less than 6 days old, otherwise I would have heard of it.

Marcus Jordan

Who?


Edit: had to google all of these. I have no clue who any of the “Reality TV” stars are, not into basketball, and as for “Bravo”, I never even thought about TV channels as I have not watched actual broadcast TV since 2003.

[–] AquaTofana@lemmy.world 1 points 7 months ago

Lmao I had to rep my Housewives because I had to leave the Bravo subreddits back on reddit and we don't have a community here. I never pass up a chance to toss it out there in case there are other lost Housewives fans floating around Lemmy. 😅

Anyhow, yes, Larsa Pippen was married to Scottie Pippen for years, including when he played on the Chicago Bulls with Michael Jordan (late 80s/early 90s). Marcus Jordan (Michael's son) was already born by then. Scottie and Michael were a duo in the 90s, paired together in NBA games and whatnot, pretty much the faces of the Bulls franchise.

Larsa Pippen is 49. Since divorcing Scottie, she's gotten together with Marcus Jordan (33). She's been absolutely dragged by Bravo fans due to the age difference, and because there is a nonzero chance she knew Marcus when he was in pull-ups (she denies this).

The point I was making was, even if it's an older woman going after a younger man, gross behavior is gross behavior. It's not cute in either direction. We call out ladies too!

[–] tjsauce@lemmy.world 4 points 7 months ago

It makes me wonder why people praise Harold and Maude and vilify Manhattan, though I suppose the director of Harold and Maude didn't marry someone Harold's age. But most people agree that Harold walked away a better person, despite having Maude woo him and rip herself away immediately.

[–] dangblingus@lemmy.dbzer0.com 24 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

It's been scientifically proven that 18 year olds' brains aren't fully developed. Biologically, no you are not an adult at 18. Arguing that it's all good because both parties are ostensibly consenting adults is besides the point. The older party, no matter what gender, shouldn't be chasing people well outside their peer group. There's obviously a layer of manipulation when 2 people of wildly different ages get together.

[–] pinkdrunkenelephants@lemmy.cafe 11 points 7 months ago

18 year olds aren't really adults.

[–] zarkanian@sh.itjust.works 3 points 7 months ago

why do so many of them date older men?

Do they?

Or do you somehow disagree that an 18-yo woman isn’t a “functional adult”?

I do, because your brain doesn't finish maturing until you're 25.

Meanwhile, men of that exact same age can be forcibly conscripted to fight and die in some foreign oil-war that they never had an opportunity to vote against.

That's wrong, too. The age of conscription should be 25, for the reason I gave above.