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Man allegedly assaults woman for cutting off Wi-fi as he played Fortnite (www.northcentralpa.com)

submitted 10 months ago by TheOneWithTheHair@lemmy.world to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

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[–] ElBarto@sh.itjust.works 57 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I love everything about this paragraph.

Griest told police he had fallen on the television and that his wife had tried to catch him but ended up getting a cut on her neck. When Griest fell, the television broke and he got a cut on his finger. Griest told officers that he called police because the incident was "going to turn into a domestic" as his wife's drunk boyfriend was allegedly going to stop the house the following day to assault him, Hornberger wrote in the affidavit.

[–] Melkath@kbin.social 14 points 10 months ago

As a gamer, I was going to come in with an edgy "that's what you get" joke, but with this added info... I'm doubling down on a "that's what you get" joke.

[–] Caligvla@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

"his wife's drunk boyfriend"

This has to be satire.

[–] xor@lemm.ee 1 points 10 months ago

i thought that too, but it appears to be a real news site...
i still find it hard to believe that reality has come this close to being a made-up shitpost...
but maybe, the fortnight playing convicted pedophile actually called the police because his wife's boyfriend might beat him up...
im pretty sure this means the universe will be collapsing in on itself pretty soon...