Selfhosted
A place to share alternatives to popular online services that can be self-hosted without giving up privacy or locking you into a service you don't control.
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Self hosting XMPP works well for most internal things. IMHO communication software that you’re relying on shouldn’t be hosted at home.
Both of those that you mentioned are great. I’ve used ejabberd in addition to that. I think prosody is better. Here’s a link to a list of more servers.
Another option since XMPP can do E2EE is use conversations.im it is my go to for XMPP hosting.
Being that this community is for self-hosting I prefer to keep all of my services self-hosted. I have seen that list from a Google search already but thank you anyway.
I’m wasn’t implying that you shouldn’t host it yourself at all. Just maybe use a VPS for hosting it yourself.
Getting buy in on the family & friends aspect is being able to match or exceed the popular free services. If there’s a perception that it’s not reliable then it’s highly unlikely they’ll keep using it. So the last thing you want is to have something happen to your internet connection, NAS, etc. At the end of the day it’s the pesky perception equals reality thing that dooms things like this and tanks the spouse approval factor.
This isn't meant to be used in case of emergency (not mission critical). I just want something to replace Google Hangouts, primary for my wife and myself.
That being said, I feel comfortable with the security and stability of my backend and I'm already hosting publicly accessible projects for myself and others. I don't need you to try to talk me out of it.
You’re absolutely right about the perception. You make a good point. I’m not sure OP got that you’re not trying to talk them out of self hosting, but rather bring up the importance of reliability regardless of their setup. Thanks!